Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Don't Ask, Okay?!

The most annoying question before I had my baby was always 'So when are you going to give us the good news?'

There are now a new bunch of questions regarding the baby, that are really annoying - although they are not as obnoxious as the 'good news' one and are usually asked in all innocence - but still !

* Is she sleeping through the night yet?
Answer: NO! Babies do NOT sleep through the night. Anyone who says their baby sleeps or slept through the night is either demented with old age or just saying it to annoy me. I have not slept more than 3 hours at a stretch since my last trimester. That's almost a year now. And I'm used to it now so it doesn't bother me as much as before. So don't ask!

...and then there's...

*Has your baby lost some weight? She's looking thinner...
Answer: NO! Why do people even ask this question? Why can't you bloody say that I'M looking like I lost weight? SHE is putting on weight like any regular, average baby. She's just getting taller and that's why she looks thinner. Okay with you? Good. Then don't ask!

....and my personal favourite....

*So what do you do at home the whole day with the baby? Don't you get bored? It's like the end of your social life, right?
Answer: Dude, go have a baby before asking this question. It's been many months and I haven't been 'bored' a single day. It's a different matter that I have felt ready to go back to work for some time, and will start soon. It doesn't mean that it's boring to stay at home with my baby. She's the most fun person I ever met. And I'm meeting a lot more people through her nowadays. My social life is just beginning! So no asky-wasky, okay?

Phew! That's it. I'm sure there are more but I don't feel like ranting on and on. BUT I'm really interested to know - what are the questions that really get to YOU? The ones that cause you to inwardly groan while you smile politely and deliver a stock answer? And the ones that just make you want to deliver a Zidane-style head butt to the person who asked?

Do tell, do tell. I'm listening.


  1. Whew!

    I got the "good news" one recently and am trying to figure out an answer. I considered saying, "Yeah! I just had a great vacation!" but realised I didn't want to prolong the discussion.

    Another one: "How is married life going?" Tell me, where, precisely is it supposed to go? And how do I divide my life into married-life and un-married-life?

  2. New reader alert!!!

    Hi! :)

    These questions sound familiar... Well, I too posted something like this some time after my delivery. I guess it's the same everywhere..

  3. I got married 3 years back. And no kids yet. So....

    Annoying: Any good news?
    When I resign to say no...
    Very annoying (as if shocked): You aren't into family planning, are you?
    Pull-out-my-hair annoying: Don't do any planning-wanning(Followed by a horror story).
    Kick-you-to-the-end-of-the-earth annoying: Why don't you see a doctor?

  4. the 'why does she look so skinny /tired'? and the 'what about baby number 2?'
    oh oh oh. 'whta's HIS name?'

  5. a) When did you feed him ? He's hungry . ( This 5 minutes after I put him down after a good 30 min session )

    b) So when are you going back to work ?

    c) So now that you are working, is he more attached to his grandmom ?

  6. I'm nowhere near the stage of life you're at but that doesn't stop the annoying questions. Samples:

    Which is better, home or living abroad?
    What time is it there?
    When are you coming back?
    Say 'Hi' to all the 'white chicks' there.
    When are you getting married?
    and the crowner,

    Why are you so thin?

    For the love of God, I could very well do without meaningless cliched questions, the answers to which no one's actually interested in knowing. Somone should start classes for conversation making, I tell you!

  7. Been reading your blog for a while. It brightens up the day. :) As for irritating question - i happen to be post graduate in hr. every interview i've faced, every course teacher who taught us kept asking the same question - "Why HR?". Now that I'm on the other side of table, i ask that question for sadistic pleasure! Ha.


  8. :-)
    I wasn't the "Anonymous" who commented earlier,but could well have been.I get the "isn't he looking thin" ones a lot these days. Usually from the same people who made "Oh what a big baby" comments a few months ago. As for sleeping through the night..ha ha ha. Maybe when he's thirteen?

  9. for the "any good news " question i would just roll my eyes and look towards the husband. no one dared ask what that meant, esp because it was often asked by his family.( and might i add i have big round eyes, scary sight!)

    annoying#1: see she loves being with other children. when are you having the second one?
    to this, i take a deep breath and then hold forth on how i have always wanted one child, i believe in it, and i dont think its any less normal than wanting two children.

    annoying#2:see she is too content by herself. when are you having the second one?
    deep breath, launch into long speech. see i have to just so people know its normal to want one child alone!missionary zeal!

    annoying#3:but you are both healthy, when are you having the second one?

    you get the drift...

    oh sorry, please let me add one more, so whats your son's name? even when she is wearing a dress.
    you have not pierced her ears?
    no dear, she can pierce what,where she wants when she wants.its her choice, not mine. that starts a pointless discussion...but...

  10. - you're married now. Why r u working late?

    - You don't get food from home...your poor husband is starving kya?

    - Why don't you wear a bindi? You're married now... get the drift

  11. here's my list:

    heyy Y, have u lost some weight recently? :0)
    umm... THAT was for peanut.

  12. Y,

    Oh my, what a can of worms! So much worse when it is your family who asks most of these questions...that's when you retreat into laptop and blogdom :-)


  13. "Must be so hard to go back to work?"
    YESSS.. you want to will me your estate??

    "How can you leave your child in daycare?"
    UMMM .. you want to come babysit?

    Few mths later

    "How can you leave your child with a nanny?"
    UMMM.. you want to come babysit?

    "When are you having the second one?"
    F'ER.. haven't you realized that I'm a cold hearted career beeyach with absolutely no love for the one child I have ..

    Uff.. I could go on with tons more starting with before I got married or had a baby but these have been recent ones apart from some of the ones you mentioned!

    - Shruti

  14. "You work full-time? Wow! How do you manage?" - maybe it's just me, but I am always left with the nagging feeling that this question comes with a side portion of judgemental.

  15. rohini: (sorry Y for making your blog OUR discussion room, but you started it...the can of worms)
    you know what i get asked,: you work from home?Wow! how do you manage? ofcourse mine comes with less judgement but more smirk ( read, yeah sure i believe you when you say you work from home!)

  16. My spouse and I are into the 3rd year of marriage and the questions are already coming! I cant even say "I have a suprise!" right now to folks without them thinking i am preggie!

    I mean, I walked into my SIL's house with a bag of our first home grown oranges (that my husband was carrying) and I said "I have a suprise for you...K will tell you what it is..." and they thought we was going the "family way" for all of 2 minutes

  17. "Are you seriously considering having a baby while studying?? You'll never complete your programme." Yeah, and thanks for all the encouragement and support.

  18. For a long time, it was "So, when are you giving me your wedding feast."

    Now, after marriage, the question is "Any good news?"
    "Are you planning"
    After a non-committal nod from my side, the person would narrate horrible stories of people who had a lot of trouble conceiving. Aaaargh!

    The worst questions were at a time when I was grieving after a painful miscarriage--"So, what caused it? Did you roam a lot without taking care of yourself?" Insensitive people!

  19. Not so many annoying questions ("so when're you having a baby" tops the list there) as annoying comments.

    "Really - four years?!! You don't even look married" - sorry, forgot my badge at home, remind me to pin it on my collar next time.

    "Sugarfree tea? Come now, you're thin enough to be blown by a strong gust".
    (1) The feeble attempt at humour is way, way too corny (2) i LIKE my tea without sugar. If you think I'm dieting, you should see me gorge on gulabjamuns. And in any case, even if i AM dieting, what's it to you? Unless ofcourse, you're my mum. (3) i've gained close to 10 kilos since i graduated so don't give me the "you're so thin" crap okay. I WAS 'so thin'. Now i'm fine.

    Then again, these comments/questions are only annoying if asked by arbit people... like the girl who does my eyebrows.

  20. 1) do saal ho gaye na? abhi baby plan karne mei harz nahi hai!! abhi kar lo..
    me..Why thank you! bas aapki hi permission ka intezar tha.

    2) why dont u live somewhere closer to office? itni dur kyu liya ghar?

    3) when going home to help parents prepare for long trip to the US: u dont have any brothers u have to go.
    me: NO NO NO...i dont need brothers to take care of and sister can manage just fine.

    4)when working late : kyu...tumhare husband tour pe hain kya?

    5) and altime favourites:
    so..hows married life? much is ur salary?

    sorry for hogging space Y..

  21. Unmana: I think Sur's approach is helpful - roll eyes at hubby and no one will dare ask what it means! Oh, but if he's not around...sigh...

    Asha : :-) I guess so

    Krishna: Ha ha...see a doctor?? Too much!

    Mona: You are already getting 'what about baby no. 2?'!?

    Anon: I did think you were Mala, actually! Who are you? :-)

    Dewdropdream: Seriously! Although to be honest, I find myself indulging in stuff like this with people I am forced to make convo with, and I inwardly cringe...thankfully it doesn't happen often!

    Kush: Thank why HR? ha ha, just kidding.

    Mala: Ha ha...yeah.

    Sur: Man, that second child question must be reaaallly annoying for you. Maybe you could just glibly say 'One is Fun'. I love the eyeroll approach. And totally hear you on the piercing thing - I think Peanut should be old enough to want to look pretty before she goes through any pain for it!

    Chandni: Oh, but I do, I do get the drift.

    Ray: Saw it! Peanut appreciated the Muah, I delivered it immediately.

    M: But what fun it is to at least talk about it, right? So that when we all meet, we have nothing to ask each other....just kidding...maybe we can have more meaningful conversations!

    Shruti: Yes, I can sense you have many more...very annoying...

    Ro: No, I don't think it's just you. I'm pretty sure it does come with a side portion of judgemental.

    Sur: Yep, I can just see that smirk on people's faces. Smack 'em!

    Chaos: Hahahahaha! 'We're having oranges of our own'...

    Aditi: We are all just so free with our advice, na? Can't mind our own beeswax.

    Blossomhues: That last one is not just insensitive, it is idiotic to the point of no return. Am sorry you have had to hear that, even once.

    Stuti: Hee hee...must see you now, 10 kilos later :-)...are you in Delhi, by the way?

    Nomadz: Ah yes...the salary question...bloody hell! And please, don't apologize for 'hogging comment space'.

  22. Strange statements encountered over the years:

    You don't look like a vegetarian.
    My question: what is a vegetarian supposed to look like?

    When is Mxxxx going to plan her family?
    ( Mxxxxxx is my eldest daughter- if she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to plan her family. If I'm really feeling sadistic, I'd say,"Ask her(and get your head bitten off)."

    So, when is Axxxx/Sxxxxxxx getting married?
    (My second and third kids, both of 'marriageable' age, whatever that means)How on earth do I know? They haven't told me yet, or asked me to find them partners, which I don't think they'll do anyway.

    So, where are you going this year?
    Arrey, if I went abroad last year, with great difficulty and lots of planning and coordination, it does not mean I have to repeat it every year, thank you very much.

    You should do Pranayama.
    (Did I ask you what I should do, pray?)

    You should have lauki juice/ follow what's his name/ etc etc.
    Bah. I'm ancient and still given gratuitous advice and asked strange questions. I guess it never ends....

  23. Yes. Yes. Yesssss!! When are you coming here, bags and all? Let's meet na... yippeee!!! :o)

  24. How much do you weigh now? [Sounds like "can you hear me now? Now? NOW??]

    How much does the baby weigh?

    Why don't you plan another baby? [Before M]

    I don't know how you do it. (Balance work and home) Like Rohini says, sometimes it feels like there is a heaped side helping of judgment and resentment.

    How is J? How is S? How is M? How is everyone? How are you? J is fine, na? S is fine, na? M is fine, na? You are fine, na? You take care of everyone,na? How is everyone's health? How is J's health? How is S' health? How is M's health? - This over the phone with MIL Every. Single. Time. I am not kidding. Once I got so irritated I asked her "Likh kar bhejun kya?" She stopped for a while after that :P But it has started again :(

    Do you still work whole days? (From MIL again) Even after I made it clear to her that I am not quitting my job and yes, I work full days. Even after 9 effing months.

  25. Oh, this one is easy - "So, when are you getting married?"... AAARRGGHHH!!! Gets me every time!!

  26. aww baby.she looks like she could use some company.. so, when is number two coming?

    urrghh! and why might you be interested... and even if you happen to be, what makes you think we'd keep you updated on our baby-making plans?

  27. 1. Two babies? What possessed you to have two babies (err.. you are neither required to feed them nor clothe them - how the shit does it bother you?)

    2. You're home with the kids? - as Ro and sur said - comes with a side portion of judgmental - oh you probably sit on your fat ass watching K serials all day

    3. You work from home? Same as Sur's. Comes with a smirk and a 'yeah right, you work!'

    4. Don't you get bored at home? I'd lose my mind...
    (Yes, of course, and I have no mind to lose)

    5. I suppose you stay home because your husband probably earns well. (No, I'd be home regardless - who told you he earns well!?)

    6. Its been a year - dont you think you need to lose the babyweight? (nope. I like it. the tyre gives me something to balance my morning cup of tea on)

    I could go on but I think I'll stop!
    Can of worms is right, you evil woman you, Y


Hi there. Go on, say it. Well? WELL?