(Crossposted from my Facebook page here)
Day One -
Me (early morning, all excited): You said you'd teach me. Wake up, wake up, wake up. Squash is the number one sport as per my research, or rather, as per the first article I googled, which was Forbes Business Magazine 2015 basis five parameters, beating rowing, even. Let's go, let's go!
Vijay (mumbles sleepily): Let's start tomorrow.
Me: This is the problem, na. You don't think you'll get anything out of it because I don't know how to play. You don't want to play with me. Admit it!
Vijay (rolls out of bed): Let's go.
V: Now, listen. I've been watching your forehand. That's more a tennis shot.
Me (surprised): I have a tennis shot? (Fistpump) Yes!
V: Whatever. Can you please pay attention?
Me: (hopeful) Shall we go play tennis? This is too hard.
V: (Smashing the ball)
Me: (Standing frozen on the spot, cringing)
V: What? Why don't you go for it?
Me: The sound! It was like a gunshot. Too scary.
V: (Hits it towards the right)
Me: (Standing frozen on the spot, on the left)
V: What? What now?! Why didn't you go for it? Run, yaar!
Me: Oh, I thought I was playing this side.
V: (Hits it towards the left)
Me: (Run for it half-heartedly, reach out and miss)
V: Come on, put some energy into it.
Me: You're cheating.
Me: That's a backhand.
V (grimly): Then learn how to do a backhand.
Me: So you don't love me anymore, huh?
V ( running after the ball): Hey, how come I'm running around more than you, and you're just standing there?
Y: See, and you thought you wouldn't get exercise playing with me.
V: One-love. Your serve.
Y: (ecstatic that I won a point by mistake,loudly) One Loooove....one liiiife......
V: Please don't sing.
Pickle, Papad and Peanut appear at the basement court and peer down at us from their perch, just in time to see me break into a jig.
Peanut: Hey, Mom, why you so happy? You winning?
Me: It's eight-two! Eight-two!! ....I have TWO points! YES!
Vijay (irritated): SERVE already.
After we finish, Vijay plays several knocks by himself.
Me (calling out to him): You prefer to play with yourself over playing with me, right?
Vijay, smashing the ball hard, rushing to pick it up, smashing it again: (Pretends not to hear me over the gunshot like smashes)
We finish and pass the guy at the swimming pool, Kirti. I am all sweaty and dragging my feet back home.
Kirti: No swimming, madam?
Me ( panting) Not today
Kirti (realizes something) Jumba today, madam?
Me ( proudly) No. Squash. With Vijay.
Kirti (beams, realization dawning) Aha! That's what I was thinking. Itni bure haal toh aapke Jumba ke baad nahin hote.