This is one post where the words aren't really flowing.
It's something which I wasn't sure I really wanted to even write about in the first place.
But then I thought I just would.
So the thing is - one of the reasons that I've just not been blogging too much of late, is that I actually have been feeling that we mommy bloggers are a rather judgmental lot.
I can't actually think of all the various things that I've read in the past few weeks that have made me form that impression - but it's there, somewhere.
First of all, this 'judging' thing is very high in general - I think as a society, we probably have this tendency to comment on 'other people' and their life choices, rather a lot.
This post has actually been triggered by Rohini's post on judging and comparing ( it's been so long since I blogged that I can't seem to link it to that particular post, so just linked to her blog) - though hers was a humorous take on this very natural impulse that we all have as far as judging goes.
Some of the things that make me feel judged...
a. The whole working mom versus stay-at-home-mom thing. Sigh. Yes, I don't spend as many hours in the day with Peanut as I would, were I at home. Yes, maybe she would turn out differently if I did spend the whole day with her. But, considering that I might die of boredom of sitting at home or of being her all-day pacifier, and research shows it's difficult to be a good mom when you're dead, this one just works better for me.
b. Yes, my daughter isn't too tough. She's rather delicate and hasn't put on too much weight in the last few months. Her doc says she could have put on another kilo or two by now, but by and large, she's fine. So I guess it's okay. But I don't feel it.
c. No, she isn't talking much at all, although she understands almost everything we say, and makes herself understood through monosyllables, gestures and other amusing expressions. And I know that some, perhaps many, mothers have kids who are younger and speaking more by now. It shouldn't matter. But it does, at least a bit.
d. The whole thing about taking a maid places. Yes, the fact is that my daughter is being looked after by the K, but while I'm home, she doesn't let the K do a single thing for her. However, sometimes, it's just easier to also take the K along for things like shopping, or even when I am visiting someone. And yet, the recent verdict seems to have been that this, too, is somehow wrong, insensitive, so on and so forth, and that I am somehow 'missing out on her childhood' by letting the maid help even when I'm around. Uhh- I don't think so - although some people do.
e. On not wanting to spend every minute of my waking (and non-working) hours with her - yes, I do believe in some time for just me - or just me and my husband. Those opportunities are not many. I remember reading a judgment on a mother who apparently 'sneaked into her own house for an hour's rest' before letting her baby discover she had arrived. This hasn't ever happened to me, but I totally understand the need for some rest after a particularly bad day at work - and hey, perhaps it helped that particular mom be far more engaged after an hour's rest? Just saying.
f. Overall, we seem very quick to judge each other or 'other mothers' and a lot of time, we use phrases like 'I would never do that.....I do it this way...I make sure that in MY case, MY kid is treated such and such way...'...'I NEVER let MY baby watch TV' ...'How could she let her baby 'cry it out'? (maybe it worked for her?)...'You're STILL breastfeeding?' ...(yes, I am and mostly loving it if I don't have to do it every two hours)... Yada, yada, yada.
Now, the thing is, I could totally be over-reacting to this. But I want to hear from the rest of you, and I want your honest opinions, please.
Do YOU think we collectively are too judgmental - as a mommy blogger community, I mean? And would appreciate if we didn't come up with the usual ' judging is normal, we wouldn't be human without it' and all those qualifiers.
Open up and tell me if you've felt judged or uncomfortable about something you've read - either as a post, or people's responses in comments and so on.
And just as a thought - you think we could just give each other a break?
And am I over-reacting? Being terribly defensive because I am unsure of my own parenting? Possibly. But so what? The feeling lingers, though I care a lot less about it than I used to...
Edited to add: The words that weren't flowing in the beginning, certainly flowed later! :-P