Vijay has been in Bombay for the week, and not very happy to be away from Peanut and me. Oh, all right, who am I kidding. From Peanut.
However, when I called him three days back, he sounded rather cheerful. It was ten thirty at night and I immediately recognized the symptoms.
Y:So, you're drinking, aren't you?
Vijay (after a stunned pause, during which I presume he is bewilderedly looking around for the hidden camera) : ...yyyess....
(A moment of silence. Vijay is processing the fact that I can always tell when he is drinking or smoking, just by hearing his voice on the phone)
Vijay: How do you always know?
Y: I just do. I guess I know you too well. Impressive, isn't it.
Vijay: Can you please stop? It is scary!
Y: Fine, fine. Just try and sleep early, okay? Am turning in myself now, am really tired.
(Hangs up)
At twelve thirty p.m., I receive an SMS from Vijay informing me that they have started showing DD's comedy show in Hindi on some channel called Jetix, and the entire comedy is ruined by the bad dubbing. I sigh and go back to sleep, hoping this is the last of the madness caused by the drink.
Alas, it is not to be.
The next morning, Vijay is all sober but coy on the phone.
Vijay: I bought something for you...Don't scold me... I think you'll like it.
Y: Eh? What did you buy since last night?
Vijay: Well, I was watching TV at a quarter to two...and I saw this ad...
Y: (Blood runs cold) You bought something from the Teleshopping network?
Vijay: Yes...No....Something like that....I had to buy it! I just had to!
Y: (Steeling herself) You bought something from the Teleshopping network when you were drunk??
Vijay: Yes...no, I was not drunk, honey...it is very nice...I think...I had to buy it because they said the offer was only on till 2 a.m. - I had to make a quick decision...there were only fifteen minutes left.
Y: (Dangerously) Vijay. What have you done?
Vijay: It's not like that. You will like it.
Y: What is it?
Vijay: (Trying to act cute, in a singsong voice) It's a surprise! You will get it in a day or two...
Y: (Scariest voice she can muster) What is it?
Vijay: Oh, all right. It's a 40 CD collection ...of Mozart!
(Stunned silence)
Y: A what?
Vijay: Honey, I thought you'll like it. You like music. You like Mozart!
Y: I like Mozart? Where did you gather that? I don't listen to Mozart. I have never listened to Mozart!!
Vijay: (Pleadingly) But you liked the movie Amadeus...that was about Mozart...
Y: (Deep breathing to calm herself) How much did you spend?
Vijay: (Small voice) 4000 rupees only.
Y: (shocked) That's a lot of money. Why would you spend that much on something like this?
Vijay: (Voice getting louder) It is only 100 rupees a CD. I thought it was a steal.
Y: ..But...But...(Despairingly) Who listens to Mozart, Vijay?!
Vijay: We will, honey...we will...I thought it'll be good for Peanut also to listen to this kind of music, na...you wait and see...
(End of conversation, after a few more minutes in the same vein)
So anyway, the 40 CD set arrived today. I opened the box grouchily and took out the CDs, staring at them malevolently. Over the course of the day, I softened and decided that although it was a silly impulse purchase, it was very sweet of him, and maybe I would actually enjoy the music.
I was determined to thank Vijay for his thoughtfulness when he arrived in Delhi in the night.
And I would have, too - if my mother hadn't come home from office, taken one look at the CDs and asked 'Hey, who took those out of the cupboard?'
Oh, yes. It turns out that my mother has the exact same collection at home, recently gifted to her by a friend. The same thing. Brand new, unopened and un-listened to.
Vijay should be arriving home anytime now. So, got to go.
For a guy who likes only Hindi music - who bursts into a tuneless but heartfelt rendition of 'Pyaar hume kiss mod pe le aaya' everytime he has one drink too many -a fitting punishment is waiting.
He will be listening to all 40 CDs over the weekend.
HAHAHAHA - a 40 CD set! wow, i didn't know there was so much mozart music out there. i love his Symphony No. 40 - that's almost prophetic - Symphony No. 40 - 40 CD set .. wow!
ReplyDeleteand my goodness you aren't very kind to your husband on this blog.
Ha ha ha... your husband is a never-ending source of amusement... for us, your readers, anyway :) but he has surpassed himself this time.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, western classical music is supposed to be good for babies(apparently helps reduce stress and stay healthy), so try it out on Peanut; might help her sleep :)seriously.
Mozart might just be rolling around in his grave! Ennnnjjjjjoy the music.
ReplyDeleteOh, funnee!
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say? Turn on the music and head out of the house!
That was quite funny...a very expensive comedy though! I liked what Sue said"Turn on the music and head out of the house!" LOL..
ReplyDeletehey you know mozart isn't half bad. have you tried listening to any of the cds?
ReplyDeleteit's great bedtime music.
:)
Of, course, you could always give them away to your friends in ones and twos - and your mother's set is always there in case you develop a taste for Mozart.
ReplyDelete(How long has she had her set?)
Western classical music is rather wonderful, but I guess it's this mega-dose which is so mind-boggling:)
Go Vijay!!!
ReplyDeleteGosh... I can understabd that Mozart was quite a legend.. and that one SHOULD give his music a fair chance.. but 40 CDs!! I'd have thrown Pranay out of the house for sure.
ReplyDeleteAnd to think the same 40 CD set in duplicate!!
Pranay has the quaint habit of collecting heat massagers... he must have spent upwards of 50K on various massagers.. which I regularly distribute to the liftman, maids, bhajjivali, guards and the like...
And console myself with the thought that being in their occupations .. an automatic, electric heat massager should be an excellent gift!
And another time Pranay bought a dart board (2 feet in dia) with lethal darts to match. Which was hung in the centre of the largest bedroom wall .. and of course soon after, you could hold up the camera to that wall and fool anybody into believeing that that was war ravaged Iraq...
so maybe a 40 set CD set is not so bad!!
LOL...
ReplyDeleteImagine if next time round he did it again... what do you think you would do then? Mozart in triplicate!
ROFL.. Hey I like your blog ! Will be back for more !
ReplyDeletethis was classic(al) :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha! The much needed laughs, thanks for that :)
ReplyDelete