The next few months are going to constitute the longest break that I have taken since…since…I was around five years old. Seriously.
And, it is all rather worrisome.
I am going to be in Delhi for the leave from next week onwards, and so I thought I would spend this week in Mumbai ‘wrapping things up’ – and organize stuff, make a ‘personal work plan’ and generally put in place a good schedule for myself, to minimize wasting time.
So, my daily routine since Monday:
a. Wake up at 5.30 a.m. to encourage the husband to go to the gym. Go back to sleep at 5.32 a.m.
b. Awaken when husband is back from the gym at 8 a.m. Watch him get ready, all bleary eyed (me, not him – he is as fresh as a daisy, all adrenalized from the workout). Fix breakfast ( which means, bringing the plates Zareena has fixed, out from the kitchen to the drawing room)
c. Bid the husband goodbye at 8.30 a.m. Resolve to start my own workout soon.
d. Sleep till 12 noon. Wake up with a heavy head. Call husband and complain about heavy head and how so much of the day has been wasted already.
e. Watch TV till 1 p.m. Have a light lunch, since my workout is soon to follow.
f. Watch more TV till 3.30 p.m. Get a headache from watching TV. Decide to read instead as it is far more productive. Something enlightening like Osho.
g. Read Osho till 4 p.m. and realize that my life is a waste. Get depressed and stop reading.
h. Call and tell husband at 4.15 p.m., explaining that my life is a waste. Ask him to come home early ‘just today, please’.
i. Listlessly fix myself a light snack at 4.30 p.m. since lunch was light (I forget why…). Watch TV for the ‘last time in the day, this is it!’
j. At 5 p.m., switch on the computer and decide to blog. Decide that other people’s blogs look way more interesting today, and spend an hour reading, agreeing, disagreeing and/or mildly scoffing at other people’s strongly expressed views.
k. At 5.30 p.m., decide enough is enough. I must write on my own blog and I must also have strongly expressed views. A lot of people seem to write on issues-based stuff, and all I write on is everyday incidents. Issues, issues…
l. At 5.45 p.m., decide I have no strong views on any issue, since I read only the comics section of the newspapers, and that nothing matters anyway and the world is going down the drain and that Osho said that we must let go, meditate and ‘watch ourselves’ to increase our awareness.
m. Spend the next fifteen minutes watching myself quietly and meditating. Realize I am a fascinating but highly disturbed person, who doesn’t like being watched. Resolve to do this more often, and gradually become a very peaceful, happy, non-demanding being.
n. Since it is now 6 p.m., call up husband to check if he has left office. He has not. Throw a hissy fit until he promises to wrap up and come home soon.
o. Watch TV till 7.45 p.m. till the husband returns. Sulk wordlessly until he fusses over me and cheers me up.
p. Talk about our respective days for an hour (for some reason, he has a bit more to talk about) and give him good and utterly impractical advice on every work and life related issue.
q. At 9 p.m., husband tries to convince me to go for a walk near the sea, and I look aghast at him. It’s dinner time now.
r. Have dinner by 9.30 p.m., and then husband gently suggests a post dinner walk. I look aghast at him. We just ate! What is with the restlessness? Osho says one should be comfortable, just ‘being’.
s. At 10 p.m., he suggests the walk one final time. But I am way too tired by now. Also, it’s almost time for bed.
t. Since I feel terribly hot, put on the AC at level that makes husband shiver and dive for shelter under a warm blanket. Try to get a comfortable hold on him without touching the stupid, stuffy blanket – find that this is impossible. Toss and turn irritably for an hour.
u. At around 11 p.m., finally drift off to sleep in a cranky mood - knowing that tomorrow will be only a minor variation on today.
So now do you understand why I am barely blogging anymore? Because clearly, following my example, my brain has also gone on extended leave. The rest of me is merely decomposing slowly in laziness.
I have also realized why we have jobs. Apart from all the sundry, obvious reasons, it is also because it takes a lot of practice and patience to sit around ‘being’ and not ‘doing’.
But I have got a long time ahead of me to work on it. So Good luck, Delhi – Here I come!
And Mum, Sister and various other friends and relatives in my hometown - now might be a good time to plan your own out-of-town vacations.