The ABC of Y: Untag

I have been tagged by so many people for so many things that I have forgotten who tagged me with this one - but I have decided to do it because it is simple and comprehensive and obviates the need for doing the other tags ( The Eight Questions, Twenty Questions, Thousand Questions, etc.). I hereby Untag myself from all other tags, because there's no way I will ever catch up! Sorry, Parul, Kiran, Dipali, Sango and whoever else tagged me in the last two months!

A -Available? Ummm....just try asking anyone who calls me on my cellphone. The answer would be no.

B-Best friend: A Beautiful Girl called Richa. We are so connected that we got the same tattoo years back - independently of each other. Freaky!

C-Cake or Pie? Definitely Chocolate Cake. And Apple Pie. Damn!

D-Drink of choice: A cold large Orange Juice. In my drinking days, it would be that bloody Mary .

E-Essential thing used everyday: I'm using it right now. I mean my laptop, of course.

F-Favourite colour: Buh-lue! I love the color of the sky on a bright day.

G-Gummi bears or worms: Never tried either. Don't really want to.

H-Hometown: Delhi ...butI lowe Bangalore more.

I-Indulgence:Any form of sweet. Chocolates. Moti Choor ke Laddoos. Kaju ki barfi. Cake. You get the picture.

January or February:Oh definitely February. The most beautiful month in the year.

K-Kids and names: One number, Peanut.

L-Life:Is better than ever.

M-Marriage date:February. Didn't I tell you it's a beautiful month?

N-Number of siblings: Two

O-Oranges or apples: Don't you know they can't be compared? An orange on a winter day, in the sun. An Apple, to snack on in the middle of a workday. Workday? What's that?

P-Phobias: None, really. But yes. If I never saw another lizard again, I wouldn't miss it.

Q-Quote: Educated Children Are Never Bored. My mom irritated the hell out of me by using this whenever I said this in my childhood. Can't wait to use it on Peanut. In fact, I think I'll go and tell her this right now.

R-Reason to smile: My Family. And Friends. Music. A good book. How boring. Oh, but educated children...

S-Season: I'm Only Happy When It Rains.

T-Tag three people:NO! Everyone has already done this tag!

U-Unknown fact about me:Hmmm. Lemme think. Oh, ok. I have claimed I don't know how to cook, but I actually can (but rarely do), because my husband taught me in the first year of our marriage. We had fun making dinner together after work - regular dal, sabzi, rotis. My rotis are still never round, but they swell up real nice - and my alu paranthas are truly awesome. Just ask Vijay.

V-Vegetable you do not like: Karela, bloody hell! Zareena made it for my mother in law recently, and we both nearly choked on it.

W-Worst habit: Blowing things out of proportion.

X-x-rays you have had: All sorts. This is a really dumb question. But to the creator's credit, what else begins with X? Wait, what about eX boyfriends? That would have been better, no?

Y-Your favorite food:Oh come on, 'Y' for 'Your favourite food'? Clearly, the creator got bored by this time! LOOK, I LIKE CAKE! NOW GO AWAY!

Z-Zodiac: Aquarius. Can you tell? Whatever!

Never before has a tag been done so gracelessly! But yayyy....untag! Go on, untag yourself, it's liberating!

The Lists Tag

Tagged by Kiran to make the following lists:

- 10 things I will have done by the age of 30

1. Seen a sky full of millions of stars (ok, thousands will do!) - and hopefully, more than once.

2. Been to Corfu in Greece. Well, if not that, then at least, to the North East part of our country.

3. Written that damn book, and if not, resolve to do it by age 40! ( and then by 50...you get the drift?)

4. Figured out what I really want to do with the rest of my life, and taken at least the first step towards it. I mean this work-wise.

5. Made up my mind about whether to have second baby or not. Shocking myself with this one, and I'm sure, shocking those of you who actually know me in person! I had always thought, no, no, no baby at all! And then, one, one, one is enough! Hmmm....

6. Found myself a good singing partner or two, practised our vocal chords off, prepared some mean harmonizing, and actually performed, for a while in some not-too-seedy clubs! And hopefully, not for free. Or having had to pay for it ourselves!

7. Touched, if only briefly, my pre-pregnancy weight of 56 kgs! Especially since I bought an entire new wardrobe of clothes last year, most of which have not been worn more than once.

8. Learned how to swim underwater. No, seriously, it is damn irritating because right now, even when I believe I have been swimming deep under the water, I am informed that my butt has been sticking out of the water's surface all the while. It's a bit embarassing, really.

9. Grown my hair long again, and kept it in decent shape this time, by resisting the urge to straighten, colour, or otherwise maul the life out of it.

10. Truly understood that even if I don't achieve a SINGLE thing amongst the above, it doesn't really matter and life is pretty great, anyway. This is the only really important thing in my list.

In fact, part 2 of this tag is '10 things I miss in my life right now', but I really would rather put a twist in this, and talk about the 10 things that I am grateful for in my life right now. Here's hoping I don't jinx myself in any way, but I'm not that superstitious ( Thoo, thoo; Knock on Wood; Etc!). Anyway, I think being thankful is something I haven't been doing enough of, so here goes.

10 things I am grateful for on my life right now:

1. My family - Peanut, Vijay, my Mom, my Sister G, and my cousin Mini make it to the top of my list.

2. My friends - Abhimanyu and Richa, who've been my friends for over 10 years now - and of course, the irrepressible Vani.

3. The long maternity leave of over 6 months that I am enjoying, thanks to my company having changed its policy from 3 months to 6 months, just last year. It really is a blessing.

4. The song Aicha by Khalid, which my baby loves, and which has helped me to put her to sleep on countless occasions in the last 3 months.

5. Having had a normal delivery in a time when C-sections seem to be more common -and having had a 4 hour labour. No, it wasn't easy, but easier than most - I think. Oh, and I am ever so grateful for the epidural, too. (And I'm really not looking for any judging here, okay? '' What? A four hour labour, and you took the epidural?''. Had enough of 'Are you sure you want the epidural, child?' from the attending doctor, and wanted to sock her and share some pain with her!)

6. Being one of the few people I know without a single strand of grey hair ( NOW, I know I'm jinxing myself! Off to check the mirror)

7. Having attended pre-pregnancy classes which really helped, especially in that one tip of using Olive Oil on the belly to avoid stretch marks. ( Ditto on the quick mirror check!)

8. Having the help that I do, as written in my previous post, especially the K. All three, actually, but especially, the K.

9. The blogging, because it's put me in touch with so many nice people - mommy bloggers and otherwise. And it makes me feel so good when someone says their day is brightened by reading my blog. That's really nice!

10. Being married to the most amazing man in the world. Yes, I know, he was there in point # 1 also, but still. He is such a great husband and will be the best father ever, too.

(Running off to research something I remember reading about the Jmonster somewhere...where was it??)

I am tagging Rohini, and Suki for this. I've picked you two because I'd like to see how different they are for the different stages in life you two are at. Do it if you want - and however you want.

The Solo Vacation Tag

Mahogany tagged me with this beautiful tag decades ago and I have finally gotten around to doing it. The tag simply asks you to write about which is the one place in the world that you would like to go for a solo vacation.


Now, the reason I've had some trouble with this 'solo vacation' thing is that I am one of those who hasn't even ever gone to watch a movie alone. It's not like I can't - in fact, at times, I think it might be better to go for a movie alone. And I do like my alone time when I'm reading a book or jogging or whatever - but there are just some things I feel are better done with someone to share it with.


Perhaps this is only a phase in my life. Maybe sometime in the future, I will grab a backpack and say 'Ok, bye' and take off for a solo vacation somewhere. It's just that right now, with a three-month-old at home, there are currently enough adventures and discoveries that take place everyday and I just don't want to 'get away from it all' as some of my non-mother friends seem to think necessary.


Anyway, meandering back to the point. Where would I go if I had to take a solo vacation?


Well, I've always wanted to go to Corfu, ever since I've read Gerald Durrell's most famous series - My Family and Other Animals & Birds, Beasts and Relatives & The Garden of the Gods. I haven't been to that many places in Europe but the next time I go there, I'm going to make sure I do go to Greece and I hope to see the warm, colourful, beautiful island where Durrell spent his happy childhood years. I know I may be setting myself up for a fall because I remember reading that Durrell was most upset in later life about the fact that the popularity of his books turned Corfu into a tourist destination - and the commercialisation left it a changed place, resulting in its losing its original charm.


But it's funny - of late, I've been thinking a lot about how much there is unexplored - by me, and many people I know -within our own country. My mother was posted in Shillong year before last, and a lot of people, family and friends went to visit her and had a fabulous time with her - but Vijay and I were 'too busy with work' to take a few days off and do this. Pretty stupid, huh. The North-East is just one part of the country I haven't been to - whenever I've gone travelling for work to different parts of the country, it's often ended up being a dumb day trip and I've rarely seen anything apart from the inside of the hotels or the conference rooms. The time off I've had in the last few months has really made me think about how silly this has been.


This was driven home for me last month when I was watching a tourism advertisement on a travel channel and I was like 'Wow! What a beautiful place! I need to go there!' - and felt pretty idiotic when it turned out to be India. ( Hey, they didn't do the regular Elephants and People in Turbans thing - just showed a lot of landscape, sea, forests and all! Not my fault!)


But finally, the thing that has really been bothering me most of late - I've realized that it's been around 15 years since I saw a sky full of stars. I've always lived in cities - Delhi, Bangalore and Bombay - and you just can't see the stars from here, anymore. It was only as a kid, when we visited our family friends in the hilly little town of Dharampur, that I remember looking up and seeing what appeared to be millions of stars. I remember just staring up in complete awe for the longest time. It was a truly beautiful sight.


I then proceeded to forget about it for so many years - but it came and hit me like a ton of bricks recently that I just don't get to see the stars anymore! So this tag should have been relatively simple for me - I just want to get to any place where I can see the stars. And I mean, LOTS of them.


I have taken to jogging at night over the last few weeks in Delhi, and every night I look up and mournfully count the five stars that are visible over the city. And I realize that this is the one thing I want to make sure I do as soon as possible. Get an eyeful of millions of stars, at least one more time. And wherever I happen to be when I finally see this is where I will want to be most when I see it. That, my friends, is a ridiculous sentence, but I suspect you know what I mean.


In the meantime, I try and make do with the fact that the evening sky looked sorta pretty the other day as I looked out my window. Here's a picture.



And here's what Mahogany wrote when he started the tag. He blogged about his trip in the two subsequent posts.

Shome - since you're blogging again, I tag you to write about your Tabo trip and post some of those fabulous pictures.
Ganju - keep having those exciting weekends in the U.S. and telling us about them. Just sort of bung them in between your usual descriptions of your laundry, toilet paper and vending machines (Sheesh).


Anyone else who wants to do this tag, please feel free to take it up and tell us all about it. Don't worry, you can make it as meandering and introspective as I have. Tell us what you're thinking. And how do you feel about living in the city that you live in ?And I'm especially interested to know when and where was the last time you saw a sky full of stars.

Last, but not least, I'm curious -have you ever gone on a solo vacation? Heck, have you ever gone to watch a movie alone? Gone out to eat in a restaurant alone? What are the advantages you've found?


A lot of questions, but an inquiring mind wants to know. Do tell.

Observations and Conclusions

Observations set 1: The Power of Schmooze Award



- Squiggles Mom has awarded me with the 'Power of Schmooze award' - which means I ''converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection''. Huh? I do? Thank you! I think...
- Squiggles Mom also used these phrases while tagging me with this award 'This will come as a shock but you actually have an award' and 'I want to see how gracefully you accept this (cheeky grin)'- Since I have no idea who to pass on this particular award to because I really don't know how to judge this, I will selfishly clutch it to my chest...wait, I do know! Dipali! She's a definite schmoozer, in the 'social connection' spirit - not the 'gain an advantage' one.Yes!! (Wipes brow in relief at having thought of her)


Conclusions set 1:

- There are too many awards flying around. If a tiny, nondescript blogger such as me can be awarded two of them in a week, you know there are too many awards flying around.
- Squiggles Mom appears to hate me, I know not why. She also appears to be right about my lack of grace in accepting this award.Oh well.Thanks anyway, SM (cheeky grin)

Observations set 2:

- I don't write for a few days and all my friends and family can tell me is 'Why aren't you posting new pictures of Peanut?'. No one has asked me why I am not dazzling them with my brilliant prose anymore. No one has expressed any concern about my wellbeing, or asked if they can help hold the baby for a while, so that I can type on my laptop. All they can say is 'Where are the pictures, dammit?'


Conclusions set 2:

- You all hate me, I know not why.
- I have a definite persecution complex
- And ok, you win. New post coming up soon.

Take my advice...

...and never give anyone any advice.

Advice, after Himmesh, is doubtlessly the worst thing on this planet. Have you noticed that the word 'vice' resides in the word advice? And you, my innocent friends, thought it was just a coincidence.

Hah!

As a new mother, I get to hear loads of advice. Look, some of it is pretty useful - when it is asked for. It is the unsolicited advice that is the truly vile stuff.

But in the spirit of trying to take it all lightly, I recount some of the true gems that I have received:

a. When I told my mother that Peanut has been consistently cranky during her bath these days, and almost always bursts into tears, especially when we wet her hair to try and shampoo it - her immediate and serious advice was:

'Why don't you use Johnson's 'No More Tears' shampoo?'

Right, Momma. Thanks. That will solve it, for sure. Considering that the problem is that she cries because of her hair being wet even before any shampoo touches it. Talk about taking branding seriously.

b. When I remarked later to Vijay that the water temperature for Peanut's bath seems to make a big difference as to how happy or unhappy she is about bathing, he said:

'Yes, yes, I've noticed that. You need to make the water temperature as close to the temperature of her pee as possible...haven't you seen how happy she is when she pees all over herself?'

Wow. Another pearl of pissdom from my darling husband. He should write a book on child-raising. Just so that I have the pleasure of burning it and then stomping out the flames.

c. One of the maids at our grandparent's house, Asha, lectured me when we went visiting
' You should give the baby your own milk. Do you give the baby your own milk? Your own milk is best for the baby. There's nothing like your own milk...' ad nauseum.

I assured her, somewhat tartly, that I knew that and I was indeed breastfeeding Peanut. This, I thought, was a bit much. Now simply everybody is bunging silly advice in my general direction.

This was also the day that we had taken along bottles of pumped milk so that Vijay could have the pleasure of feeding Peanut. He was doing so with great enjoyment when I caught sight of Asha, watching this from the doorway, with a horrified expression on her face. This self-appointed advocate of breastfeeding clearly thought I had been lying to her all along.

I was rather irritated but couldn't be bothered to explain the concept of breast pumps and expressed milk to her - and anyway, she disappeared soon after, when she saw me looking at her - but not without a last lingering, reproachful stare at me.

I wanted to run after her and smack her silly, but restrained myself with my usual patience.

d. I've already mentioned Vani's wonderful advice during pregnancy 3D ultrasounds 'Tell them to look at the baby from all angles...'. When she came over to see Peanut recently, she kept telling me 'I'm sure it must be so boring for her to be mostly inside the house...seeing the same things over and over again...'.

Now I'm not denying that there may be some truth in this statement, and it's always nice to take Peanut outside, onto the roof or generally visiting. But considering she is fascinated by her farts and spellbound by her own toes nowadays, and gapes at the blue lamp behind my head in awe as I burp her, I hardly think she is getting too bored -yet.

And anyway, you know you're in trouble when you start getting any advice from Vani.

e. Oh wait. It gets worse. Because even worse than getting advice from Vani is getting advice from Abhimanyu. Firstly, he is always scoffing at my pictures of Peanut, advising me to buy a Canon instead of our lowly Kodak.This would be okay, but then he brings his brother's Canon over and then takes terrible pictures of her, triumphantly showing them to me while I lie 'Hmm. Very nice.'

And even he doesn't limit his advice to the pictures. He tells me I don't know how to cut her nails. 'You should always trim them round for the fingernails, and straight for the toenails.' I asked him how the hell he would know something like that, but he refused to divulge where he had picked up this singularly girly piece of information.

f. Finally, our beloved maid, the K, is full of advice and information about the baby. Firstly, there are the usual half-hourly reports on the baby's activities, spanning 'has raha hai...' to 'sho raha hai' to 'khel raha hai' to 'potty kar raha hai'...looping all the way round to 'potty karte hue has raha hai'.

And now, she has taken it a step further. Having brought up my baby sister, she is still totally obsessed with her although the latter is now 24 and going to work. So now, everytime the baby cries, I have to struggle to comfort her, while hearing the most annoyingly mournful information 'Masi nahin hai na, isliye ro raha hai...' , repeated over and over until I send her away on some random errand merely to make it stop.

Thus, the K has masterfully combined her obsession with my sister and my baby - driving me nuts in the process.

Let me assure you, all this is the mere tip of the adviceberg. But nowadays, I just try and remind myself that all this advice is coming out of concern for the baby's wellbeing. So it's all good and to be handled with grace and maturity.

After all, when my husband helpfully says, with great authority and conviction, as Peanut cries particularly loudly, crankily and miserably ...'I think something is bothering her'...

...I am forced to wonder: Where would I be without penetrating insights like that?

Thank goodness for my family and friends.

BOO!

Don't you just hate it when you go on over to read someone's blog to find they haven't posted anything new?

Isn't it just bloody? I think it's just bloody.

And you find yourself thinking, well, they could have had the courtesy to post SOMEthing - ANYthing - even if they didn't have much to say or much time to say what they had to say.

Or then again, you may end up wishing they wouldn't post anything at all, if what they were going to post was such unmitigated rubbish.

(Sigh. Just feeling lazy. Going to take a nap and may post later. Better luck to you, elsewhere...)

Aww, Shucks...

Thank you to Unpredictable for this award. I could never have predicted this from you. But seriously, it's really very sweet. I like the colour, too! In fact, can I make this my template? Okay...down, girl, down.

Yes, now, getting down to business - I pass this on to girl bloggers who I like. And because I like ceremony, I solemnly hold my right hand straight out as I do so (thus, this post is taking all day for me to type out - I hope you appreciate this):

- Rohini - hah! I just told you day before that you rock and now I bung this at you - although you're going to get this bunged at you from all directions. Nevertheless - here, catch!

- Sue -because she's the actual 'girl' around here, maybe still on the right side of 25. And she's opinionated and outspoken.

- Grafxgurl - because she is one person who actually loves what she does, and she also designs awesome templates, and on top of everything, her blog is fun to read.

- Dipali -because she's sweet and finally started her blog and she has four grown up kids but still seems like a 'girl' to me- but mostly because it's going to be fun to watch what this self proclaimed 'techno-dinosaur' does with this award - she is driving me crazy because she still hasn't fixed the links on this post.

Ok, bye!

Tag! Yag!

Again, a Tag, this time from NM. And being the sporty one that I am, can never resist or desist, so here goes:

The Names that Our Baby is called at Home:

1. Peanut (surprise!)
2. Cheeku ( because of the big cheeks)
3. Gulab Jamun, Rasagulla, Puchka, Golgappa (also because of the big cheeks)
4. Bachhda (By me alone - was surprised NM also does this!)
5. Sachin (Because she looks like Tendulkar after her bath -you'll understand after the next post, I have a photo of it)
6. Shoneee (By our maid Kajal)
7. Shona (by my mother, I think it's her Bengali half speaking)
8. 'Bandariya, Meri Bandi Bititya' (sung to her by her father when putting her to sleep)
9. Parul, Charul, Guchu-puchu, Choti Yashu (by her Buas, don't ask me why)
10. Raja-Betu (by her parents, for no particular reason at all)
11. Baby (by me, very imaginatively)
12. And of course, my personal favourite- Potty Queen (by her father, when he is changing her diaper)

Yes, at this rate, I'm pretty sure she's not going to know her own name until she's around 12.

I tag...nobody! If you want to do it, do it and let me know so I can come and laugh at you.

Edited to add: As my darling sister has pointed out, there are also : Babooshka, Bablans, Chubby and Bright Eyes. And I also remembered Ladoo, in fact, she is also called Mishtaan Bhandaar. Ok, that's it!

What's Your Quirk? Get to Work!

This one is for all those of us who saw the movie 'As Good as it Gets' and said, of Jack Nicholson's many strange quirks - 'Hey, I do that...or something like it'.

Which means basically everyone.

Yep. This is a Tag. And you're IT.Hah! I trapped you! Now, go and reveal the manifestations of your obsessive compulsive disorder on your blog. A minimum of 5 are required. Go on then, get moving. Oh wait, read mine first.

1. I am obsessed with the numbers seven and fourteen. I do my exercises in sets of 7 or 14, for example. In fact, though the steps leading upto my home in Delhi are 6 and 13 in number, I shuffle my feet one extra time to get to my magic numbers. Every time. It started when I was a kid but now it's done subconsciously. I am realizing as I type this that I am sounding like a psycho. Oh well... let us plod on.

2. After the Mango, it is the Grape which is my favourite fruit. Wait, that's not the OCD part... wait for it, will ya? The OCD part is that I have to eat the grape in a particular way to extract maximum enjoyment from it. One bunch of grapes - the delicious green ones, not the odious black ones (and don't even get me started on the ones with bloody seeds) - is taken and each of the grapes is bitten painstakingly in half. And it is only once all the grapes are bitten through in half, that I can eye with great satisfaction my bunch of pretty green half-grapes, and then move on to relishing the remaining halves. Obviously, if you ever meet me, none of you are going offer me grapes at your homes. Sigh. It's just as well, I suppose.

3. When I need to concentrate, I have to pluck thoughtfully at my eyebrow and make a strange sort of pouty fish-lip face. It is impossible for me to type or read or write without this. I caught my sister doing the fish-lip face and realized it runs in the family. I also then realized how incredibly weird it looks. But I'm too old to change now. I really don't know if this qualifies as part of the OCD but I'm on a roll here, so don't stop me.

4. I'm obsessively editorial. I do not claim to be grammatically correct all the time, but obvious glaring errors really bug me. This is an issue in the blogging world where people are just dumping their thoughts in their own space. I have to resist the urge to correct spelling mistakes or point out that their sentences are missing specific words.(I have been an editor for school and college magazines but that's just a poor excuse for being slightly tight-arsed about this) . Still, it just wouldn't do in the comments section to say 'Hi! I really loved your post. You write wonderfully. But could you please edit your post to include a 'The' in the fourth sentence of paragraph two? Thank you.'

A note to all the wise-asses reading this- please don't make a similar comment on this post. It's predictable and not funny. Yes, that means you, Ganju. Anyway, moving on.

5. I am obsessed with trying to cut people's hair. If you have even reasonably nice, dandruff-free hair, I want to cut it. This is not a fetish. I just want to cut hair. I like the snip-snip sound and the hair pile on the floor getting larger...never mind.

Years back, Vijay let me cut his hair to show he loved and trusted me. He has nice soft, smooth hair. I cut it happily. I decided to give him steps in the back. There were 5 steps, not very even, but it felt nice to him when he touched it. He couldn't see it and I knew it looked ghastly but it was only my first attempt. However, after his friend told him 'Lagta hai billi ne noch-noch ke baal nikaale hai', and he spent the next day in office holding his hand over the back of his head, he refused to let me ever cut it again. No one lets me cut their hair so I have to cut mine sometimes. The result is not good. Selfish people, all of you.

(Poor Peanut has a full head of black hair. Here comes Mama!)

6. I cannot, cannot, CANNOT STAND being patted or otherwise touched on the head. Unless I am bending to touch your feet because you are my in-laws, or you are giving me a massage, or a haircut - stay away from touching my head. In school and college, where one is subject to the occasional company of a few immature morons, this used to be a problem. Thankfully, no one has come upto me at work in the last 5 years and touched me on the head. It would have been very difficult to explain to higher authorities why I had bitten off a colleague's fingers.

That's it! There are actually many more but I'll stop here - before the really weird stuff comes to the surface. Wouldn't want you thinking I'm totally nuts.

So go on, then. Call them fetishes, quirks, 'adorable traits', whatever - go and list them NOW.

I tag, in particular:

Ganju ( yes, yes, I know your blog is too tight-arsed for it, just do it in the comments section here)
Shome ( can you please post something to go with your jazzy new template)
Mad Momma (no, this is NOT the revenge tag)
Moppet's Mom
Sue
Dipali
Mahogany

I would tag a couple of more people but that would be more than seven, and I'm too tired to get up to fourteen just now.

But whoever reads this - consider yourself tagged. Don't try and sneak off quietly without fulfilling it. Whoever does that is a rotten egg! Nyah nyah!

Edited to add: Goshdarnit, Dagnabit, Bloody Hell, *%&# and $^&%*!# !!! I just realized I did only SIX quirks for myself...this is going to kill me....yaaaaaaarrrrghhhhhhh....

Tagged...Gah!

Birds do it, and so do the bees,
Our babies are made by acts such as these,

MadMomma's tag is hardly a breeze
It's all that Sue's fault - outspoken piece of cheese,

But if you're a new Mum with stitches from your episiotomy,
And for now, stay in the house of your own loving Mommy,

In a room which is meant for the innocent guest,
With doors oft flung open to North, East and West,

And your husband is obsessed with your new daughter,
Not looking at you as often as he oughter,

And he comes to visit only two days in the week,
Baby sleeps in the middle, and you talk Babyspeak,

All I can say is 'Hah! Big fat chance,
Of any sort of Ardour - forget about Romance.'

Who knows? Maybe after some time, the dam will burst,
But if you don't hear from me on this again - please assume the worst.

Note to MadMomma - are you happy now? Gah! Will soon make up my own tough tag and get you for this...

Yay! It's Judgment Day!

There has been a bit of a discussion around a 'Judgmental Tag' recently - well, alright, it's a bit old now, but still - I found it on the Mad Momma's. Since she said she 'tags everybody' and since, when I last checked, I was included in the list of 'everybody', I have decided to take it up very diligently.

Hmm. So, Whom do I judge? Oh, yes...

* I judge people who not only are fussed about saying things like 'Whom do I judge' instead of 'Who do I judge', but also painstakingly correct other people for little things like this. Bloody Painful Nitpickers. ( Aah...and yet...and so very me!)

*I judge Aishwarya Rai for having a small head like a pin, and for choosing to jerk it freakishly back and forth like a stricken zombie puppet on steroids, while prancing around to a sickeningly sweet and cheery song like 'Barso Re, Megha Megha..'- and I judge whoever choreographed and directed that song for inflicting it upon me.

*I judge the marketers and advertising agencies who unleash their idiocy on the innocent, unsuspecting public. Just one little example - the slogan for Jobstreet.com is 'Real companies. Real Jobs.' Ummm, sure thing! As oppposed to the imaginary companies and imaginary jobs offered by other job search sites?

*I judge Himesh Reshammiya, Annu Malik and Bappi Lahiri. For what? Don't make me laugh.

*I judge those old acquaintances who send me 'friend requests' on Orkut- but do not send a single scrap of greeting. Yes, it's been ten years...yes, I think I do remember you...But why are you just trying to increase your 'friend' list without establishing any real contact?...and even after I accept your request, there is no further word from you. Sheesh! Social networking, pah.

*I judge the people who gleefully give away the end to movies and books, to spoil other people's fun. Such as those who stood outside theatres yelling 'Kajol is the murderer' after whatever that movie was ( I never saw that movie, never planned to, never will, but that's not the point). These people are just scumbag losers without lives, dripping their evil slime all over the place.

*Finally, and most importantly - I judge anybody who tries to sing Bohemian Rhapsody in public. Give it up! You can't do it! You sound like an idiot! Period. (You may do this in the privacy of your own bathroom, however - I often do).

Wow, a leetle more vitriol than I thought I would come up with. Ooh, ooh...reminds me - should go read HP 7 now before some lunatic gives the end away.

I tag Shome and Ganju with this. Go on, let's hear it, then! And remember- you don't have to take it as seriously as I have (Wink, wink, smile - Oh, I forgot to mention I judge those who overuse smileys outside of SMS and chat...dammit!)