Appalling Customer Service

I'm standing inside the kiddie store, Lilliput. Waiting for the salesman to give his attention to Peanut, who wants 'Pink Crocs'.

We've been standing there waiting for her turn to try on the pink crocs for about five minutes now. I'm tapping my feet impatiently but have refrained from saying anything so far. The fellow is looking quite harried - he's waiting on a fussy-looking woman who keeps changing her mind about the appropriate shoes for her little girl, loudly asking him his opinion on everything ' Yeh color achha lag raha hai?' - he agrees with her every time on every pair looking wonderful on her little princesss - but the pile of shoes next to the woman and her little girl is growing.

I indicate to him that we are also waiting, but he just glances helplessly back at the woman. After some more of this, I begin to lose patience and say ' Bhaiiya, iss ko bhi try kara na hai'. The guy looks at Peanut and her crocs and to my annoyance, instead of starting to help her try them on, he grabs a similar pair and hands them to the other lady, saying 'Yeh kaise hai?'. These too are rejected by the fussy lady.

After another few minutes, by which time I am positively fuming and muttering comments like ''Appalling customer service'' and ''If you don't want to make a sale, that's a separate matter'' and ''Why can't they just staff appropriately'' while Peanut fidgets. To our collective relief, the woman finally settles on a purple pair of slippers for her little princess. I sigh loudly and then look expectantly at the man, my expression clearly saying ''NOW can you help us out, doofus?''. To my irritation, he's now avoiding eye contact in what seems to me a particularly deliberate fashion. This really is the limit. I'm about to raise hell.

That's when the little girl who's finally got her purple shoes slips her hand into his and says happily ''Chalo, Daddy'', while her fussy mother bustles off to pay for their new acquisition.

I turn red while Peanut impatiently tugs at my jeans. When I finally raise my eyes again, there is a friendly looking man in front of me wearing a Lilliput T-shirt. 'Yes, Ma'am? Can I help you?' I gratefully accept and Peanut is soon happily trying on her Crocs.

Appalling Customer Service.

Winds of Change

I hate change, even if it's for the better.

To name a few: 

* The new blogger interface.Slicker, am sure it has its merits but I refuse to see them. Yet.
* My new 'vanity URL' given the author-type things happening in life. Never mind.
* At work, new structures, people leaving, people joining. Happens every year about this time.
* At home, when I'm feeling sick, far less sympathy from the husband - Vijay says ''Oh you've got a headache, a cold and low energy? Just take a Disprin for the headache, Coldarin for the cold and Electral for the low energy. I'm off to work, Bye Honey!'

Did I mention I hate change, even if it's for the better?

Extract from Just Married, Please Excuse

(A Couple of Paras From the chapter: The First Date)

After we finished our otherwise uneventful, peaceful dinner, Vijay announced that he had organized for us to do some fishing, a thought that I was quite excited by. We settled ourselves comfortably on the cool stone steps leading into the river, and a friendly resort employee handed us our extremely make-shift fishing rods – which were actually just two thin bamboo sticks with strings, at the end of which dangled little hooks wrapped in bits of atta.

There we sat, the two of us, holding our charming and only slightly sad little fishing rods, and the conversation now took a more serious turn as we quietly exchanged our many divergent views on the world at large.

It was clear that despite our mutual attraction, we had too many differences – he referred to himself as a ‘simple man’ and was easy-going, good-humoured, and even-tempered. He also was a small-town boy, had been brought up as part of a conservative family in Jaipur and had a distinctly desi flavour. I on the other hand, was a ‘modern’, Delhi girl who had always had a bit of a hot temper and clearly favored Alanis over Amitabh.

He had just finished telling me about how he had always been told that he was one of the calmest and most centred people around, when he suddenly felt a tug on the bamboo stick. He stared at it in amazement while I excitedly cried that it looked like he had actually managed to hook a fish.

‘BHAIIYA! BHAIIYA!’ his sudden panicked screams shattered the stillness of the night. I asked him to calm down but he went on rather incoherently about being a Brahmin and a Vegetarian and how he had never thought these sticks would ever catch a fish and that he wanted to throw it back but couldn’t bring himself to touch it and anyway he was afraid it would bite him and it looked so awful struggling there like that and so on. The friendly resort Bhaiiya came back and laughingly rescued Vijay from the fi sh, tossing the latter back into the river whereupon it indignantly swam away. Vijay shuddered and said we should head back into town now.

And that was our first date.

Best Friends

What Every Breastfeeding Mother Should Know

...is that there IS hope and at sometime you WILL be able to quit.

I mentioned sometime earlier that I have really valued being able to breastfeed. And yet, was so, so, SO ready to quit. Peanut had been talked to about the need to quit when she was almost 2.5 - the twins are not even two yet and I had had ENOUGH.

And so I tapped into various resources, all forms of advice - and nothing worked.

Finally, some advice from unexpected quarters did.

The unexpected quarters were my maids - Anita and Mala.

The advice was...

Wait for it...

Nail polish.

Yes, you read me right. In my case, bright red Elle 18 with some sparkles which had been lying unused and unopened in my cupboard drawer for several years.

Therefore, all you ladies out there - fear not! Cower not in fright at the thought of the impending wailing, screaming, resistance and sleepless nights...it's not as bad as it seems. Like with everything else - you've just got to listen to dem folks at Nike and Just- Do-It-types. I had to share this. It's important information dissemination. For the public good.

And yeahhhh! After feeding three babies continuously for almost four years now, I've got my body back!

I will celebrate by...sleeping.

Therefore, Goodnight.

Mutters to self as turns in...Genius, sheer Genius.

And we have ourselves a Cover

Of Nice Park Aunties, Phoebe's Boyfriend and Patronus Charms

I was sitting around chatting with my friend Vani at the park today, when a little old lady pottered up and started talking to us.

She was a real delight - she was telling us about the Bhagavad Gita classes that she's been going to in Delhi for the last 20 odd years - every single week!

''I always come back...you know...'' She was searching for the right word.

''Charged?'' I suggested.

''Charged!! That's it!!'' For some reason, she became terribly happy about my having supplied the right word, and held out her little hand for me to shake ''That is the most wonderful contribution to my day...the right word...yes, I come back charged...just like our cellphone batteries need charging? Wonderful...Charged...''

I squirmed a little bit, taken aback by her excitement about the word and was about to change the subject when Vani piped in ''Aunty, she's a writer...she's always got the right words!''

This sent the little old lady into paroxysms. ''I've seen her with her kids every day at the park'' ( This is an exaggeration but I let it pass) ''She is a wonderful mother...and a writer too?''

I mumbled ''No, no, Aunty -I mean, yes...but it's only my first book'' .

Vani was enjoying herself ''No way, Aunty, she churns out books by the dozens''.

I glared at her, but the old lady was paying no attention to either of us anyway. ''Such talent'' She gushed ''I am so proud to know you'' She pumped my hand again, surprisingly vigorously for someone her age and size. ''You must be a wonderful writer''.

''Aunty'' I protested ''My book isn't even out yet...why don't you wait and read it first? How do you even know it's any good? I will get you a copy when it's ready...''

She gave me her address with alacrity, but her enthusiasm was diminished not in the least by all my weak protests. She pottered off, incredibly happy, kind of reminding me of that boyfriend of Phoebe's - played by Alec Baldwin, i think - in FRIENDS who was overly optimistic and terribly, terribly happy all the time.

Now, here's the thing. This is a lady in her eighties. She doesn't know what we all know. That everyone nowadays seems to be writing a book and getting published. That most people you talk to about having written a book immediately talk about how they know so many people who have also done so, and by the way, they're on their way to doing it sometime soon, too. I exaggerate here - most people are mighty impressed, and some genuinely thrilled - but equally, it is a fact that there's a definite overflow in the Indian market of first-time authors - and also there are plenty of people out there who are very critical of this trend of so-called 'mediocre', 'eminently forgettable' and just 'plain bad English' that seems to be 'flooding the market'. In all of this, as an excited first time author who hopes that some people will genuinely enjoy your book when it releases, your bubble can really burst if you let it.

So here I resolve to always remember the lovely little Park Lady who, without knowing me personally and without even reading my book, is already terribly proud of me. And therefore when the Dementors come in after a couple of months and trash it - possibly without even reading it - I know exactly what shape my own personal Patronus will take.

And in the end - there's something nice about being so terribly, terribly happy about everything - even if it means you're like Alec Baldwin's hyper-happy character in FRIENDS.

Therefore, I go to sleep now and start pracising:

Expecto Patronum!