Ooh aah my aching back!

Sorry, that's just like top of mind right now for me. Slept all wrong last night, twisted into various pretzel like shapes, trying to feed Pickle and prevent him from waking up and playing at 4 a.m. It worked. He slept well. Not so much Vijay and me.

I was under the impression that I was really stretched beyond belief for the last few months - until my good little maid who takes care of the twins decided to leave us. Panic not. She claims she will be back in December.

December has never seemed so far away in my three decades on this planet.

After carefully evaluating my options, including quitting my job, Vijay and I decided we would put the twins in day care. Luckily, there is a day care right next door and my friend Vani was reasonably satisfied with her experience there, and so for the last few days the Twins have been dropped off there, much to their resentment, confusion and obvious chagrin. I tried to fool them into being in a good mood at drop off time by giving them their favorite fruit - grapes.

Papad threw his grape at me while bawling in anger and frustration as the Day Care lady carried him away from me yesterday.

It is not nice to have your baby throwing grapes at you. Not when he's making that face anyway, the one that suggests 'Wait till you're an old lady and I put you in a nursing home'.

Sigh. The parenting gig continues to be tough.

Haan, so anyway, where was I? Oh yes. So yes, it's a tough-ish month, this November. But it's actually kind of cool because it's basically very intense times at work and then it's really intense time at home with several children crawling all over me. It's fun chasing them around and feeding them. Vijay continues to proudly proclaim, while gazing at them running about the park with a couple of other kids, ''I have fathered most of the children in this park''. Only a bit shady.

So the other thing that's been going on is a fair degree of visits to the doctor. The two I would like to mention here are:

* Peanut's Tooth Doctor - since she was terribly frightened of dentists, we took her to this 'Tooth Doctor' who specializes in kid's teeth - and he has taken care of 8 cavities - yes 8, we are horrible parents - over the course of about six weeks. Almost every Saturday, Vijay and I would be holding down Peanut at this hapless chappie's clinic. He also got bitten badly once by her. I felt quite sorry for him and very mortified. Only a little funny.

* Paediatrician Lady - This woman is absolutely brilliant. Have you ever seen House? I used to love House because of the way his mind works to solve complex cases for his patients. Our Paediatrician Lady is like a female Indian House. She's practised in the U.S and she has a totally different style from most doctors here - meaning, she actually thinks aloud and tells you everything that's going through her head. I so enjoy telling her the detailed symptoms and watching her piece it all together.

'Did he' she will say with a frown 'By any chance cry loudly for a brief few seconds two nights ago?'

I rack my brain and remember and say 'Oh yes, he did, at about one a.m.'

'Aha!' She will say in triumph 'I thought so. He's ruptured his eardrum. I could tell from the color of the secretions'

I faint at the thought, until she shakes me awake and tells me it's a fairly normal thing and so on. I gaze at her admiringly, thinking about how I should have listened to my Father and become a doctor myself. Female House. Sigh.

Right. Enough Ramblings. Time for sleepings. Goodnightings.

And do let me know - how is November looking for YOU?

You free to babysit?

Detoxification: Saturday Morning

* Sleep in despite the twins being up bright and early. Simply transfer them outside the bedroom to play with the other adults in the house.

* Awoken by Peanut who is insisting it is 'School today, ma'am told me!' - calling school to discover that she is actually right. Packing her off in a record seven minutes to catch the bus.

* Yoga routine, broken only by the twins plonking down on my stomach every few minutes. Bharat Thakur's Yoga for Flat Abs. Yeah, right. Oh well, we can try.

* Vani appears at the door, huffing and puffing and looking like a ripe tomato. She has been out jogging and claims she is going to die. She mentions she is planning to buy an iPad. I try to dissuade her, especially when I discover it is because she is unable to download iTunes on her laptop. She is not dissuaded. She has a bad sinus condition and a headache.

'Wasn't it Virginia Woolf?'

'What?' I ask politely

She is in a dark mood 'Who died because of migraine or something?'

I answer in all honesty 'I don't know'. Haven't the faintest.

'Yes' She says 'It was. She imagined a dark creature entering her head all the time. And then she walked into water and committed suicide'.

'Oh' I am a little worried 'Are you seeing dark creatures entering your head?'

'NO' She snaps as she heaves herself up and heads to the door. She mutters darkly as she exits 'But I am thinking of moving to a place where there is some water to walk into'.

I contemplate this for a bit and get back to my Yoga.

* Using dilapidated old digital camera to capture Vijay dancing with his twin sons. Resolving to buy new camera. Sometime.

* Applying an Orange Facial Mask. Little bit of pampering of self. Little Papad eyes me strangely and tries to pull it off. I hastily wash it off.

* Lazily considering going to Spencer's to buy various foodstuffs. Vijay disappears for half an hour and reappears with the good things in life. Soon we are eating Breakfast of varied items such as Upma, Toast with Cheese Spread, Quaker Oats with Raisins, Walnuts, Dates and so on. I am thankful for my several minutes of Yoga, and figure this meal is well-deserved.

* Having fun clowning around with Vijay. Mention that Vani is going to buy an iPad and suggest to him that he download iTunes on it for her and therefore get to play with it.

'Oh yes. I can probably tell her it takes about a year to download...and then maybe tell her that there's a new version of iTunes which doesn't work on the old iPad and that she should buy a new one...or maybe suggest to her that the Black one she's bought doesn't work as well as the White one and that she should buy a new one and give the old one to me'.

'Yeah right' I giggle 'She'll buy all that'.

Vijay points out, his favorite trump card 'She said we can't see the Sun rise around Bombay, because it's in the west and the sun rises in the East, remember?'

I am silenced.

* A little Blogging, and change of template. Because Change Can be Good.

* Conclusion of the day: Saturdays should be off.

My Daddy, My Hero. For Peanut. Apparently.

I read a notice yesterday in Peanut's diary from school that said she had to dress up as a family member who inspires her, and that she had chosen her Father.

I was a little hurt, but asked nonchalantly 'Peanut, why didn't you want to dress up as Mama?'

She thought about this for a minute before she answered, and as she spoke, her agitation became clear 'Mama! How can I dress up as you and Daddy both? I am only ONE child', she said, holding out one finger at me to make her point.

I hastened to clarify 'No, Peanut. I meant...why did you choose Daddy and NOT Mama?'

'Oh' She said, dismissively 'Because you always scold me and Daddy doesn't scold me'.

I felt very bad about this but decided not to pursue the matter further. It's true that I've been scolding her of late. Even though things have improved drastically in the last month, the child ungratefully refuses to pick up on it. No matter, I think, and I browse the diary further. 'Oh it says you have to choose a dialogue...one thing that Daddy says a lot. What will you say?'

Pat came the answer ' Peanut, eat your food right now or you will get a smack-y!'

Oh Dear, Dear.

Eventually, the line she chose was ' Peanut, give me a huggy and a kissy. I'm going to Bombay'. But she also chose an extra line 'Peanut, don't sulk and fuss, just eat your food now'. She seems hell-bent on making her point about the food issue.

She wanted to wear Vijay's T-shirt, but he convinced her that dressing 'like him' didn't mean dressing in his clothes. She instead wore jeans and a grey boyish T-shirt. I tried to do her hair, sweeping it along her forehead like his, but she took one look at it and refused to go out like that.

I can't believe this child has grown up so much, so quickly.

Two more to go!

And hopefully at least one of the twins will want to dress up like me in about 3 years. Yes, there's always hope!

Till Death Do Us Part, Stupid

Imagine if you will, a Vijay who is leaving for Bombay for a major presentation. Unlike his usual calm, unruffled self, he has been a little agitated about the presentation, and I have been trying to calm him down.

His flight is at 9.30 a.m. and he knocks on the bathroom door at about 7.30 a.m. as I am bathing along with Peanut. He enters, picks up his shaving kit and then says Bye. I have soap in my eyes, but I want to give him a final parting shot, and decide to make it a joke.

'Don't worry, honey. Just remember...one day we're all going to die! So the presentation doesn't really matter'.

There is a snort of laughter from outside, which almost drowns out the sound of the little gasp from somewhere near my soapy knee.

I look down and see Peanut staring up at me in horror 'Mama! You said we're all going to die!'

I panic, afraid that I have scarred my four year old for life. I had totally forgotten about her.

'No, no, beta. WE are not going to die...it's just that....'

'But you SAID it. You said we're all going to DIE...'

'No, no...what I meant was...see...'

Meanwhile, there is snorting of laughter from outside, this time with a lot more real humor in it.

And THAT, my friends, is bad parenting. Exhibit 17 a. Sigh.

Y Thought For the Day: Smoke Break

It's interesting to go out for a smoke break with two of the guys at work, even though you don't really smoke.

One of them - let's call him S, is trying to quit and is carrying that cool electronic cigarette that is mint-flavored and blows fake smoke. The other A ( of previous foot-in-mouth fame) is not trying to quit.

Post lunch, I am for some reason carrying some fruit I do not want any more, and ask A to hold it for me. I take a drag from A's cigarette just as two other smoking strangers walk out into the stairwell. They are not used to my presence, but are familiar with the other two.

One of the guys asks S for a light.

S tries to oblige, bending forward to light up the other guys' cigarette, but then realizes that his fake electronic cigarette is not up to the task. It's a bit of a foolish thing to do, but it's funny.

They laugh a bit, and then S indicates that A should light the man's cigarette.

That's when they all look at the fruit item between A's fingers, balanced delicately exactly as if it were a cigarette that he's been nursing.

A sputters and tries to explain as they all look at him askance, and tries to disown the banana.

But it's too late.

Y's Thought For the Day

It's fun hearing the guys at work describe a poker session they had without you last week; and then asking them sincere questions about it, only spontaneously adding the word 'strip' ahead of the 'poker' ; and then watching them look askance at each other and sputter in righteous indignation about how it was ONLY poker.

Note: I have decided to regale you all with little pearls of Y-dom from now on. I will make up in frequency what I lack in depth. It's kind of like micro-blogging. It's also kind of like laziness. Rejoice!

Unforgivable Boo-boo

There's a young man in my office. For the sake of anonymity, let's just call him - oh, I don't know, A.

A is a simple young man who sometimes says very dumb things.

Over the lunch table yesterday, we were having a random discussion, and the topic somehow came to how one particular person - (let's call him X, just for variety) - has joined the gym at the Office just to be close to and impress one other gym goer ( let's call her Gamma, for some more variety).

We were all laughing at X for being so obvious about his crush on Gamma, when it came to light that quite a few people have a crush on Gamma, and that she is considered to be what some might term 'Hot Stuff' amongst the males in the Office.

A looks up at this point and says to me 'You think she's hot?'

'Me?' I am surprised that this question is directed at me 'I guess she's kind of pretty, sure'.

A makes a scornful face and says 'I hardly think so. But these guys are desperate to find some goodlooking girl in office. I suppose it's a case of 'Andho mein Kaana Raja'. And...'

He stops when he sees me staring at him.

He starts to explain 'Andho mein Kaana Raja, Y, means that...'

I snap at him 'I KNOW what it means. And you just insulted every girl in the office. Zee!!' I turn to the nearest female member of my team 'Did you hear what he just said? Andho mein Kaana Raaja! He thinks we're all UGLY'

A panics when he sees that several women have stopped chewing their food and gossiping to direct malignant stares at him 'No, NO. That's not what I meant! I mean...you know...' He gives up and gawks helplessly for a while, a pleading look in his eyes.

It is the sort of look that clearly says 'Oh dear Mother Earth, please open up and swallow me now'.

I give him my most dangerous narrow eyed look until he blubbers and comes up with ' What I meant to say was...Andho mein Kaana Raja-S...as in the plural!'

'WHAT?' Zee and me say together. 'What does that even mean'.

'As in' A gains confidence ' YOU guys also fall in that category...so it's not her alone...it's the lot of you, really'.

We are mollified for only about a millionth of a second, until we figure out what has just been said to us.

Cries break out of ...'That's an even BIGGER insult! You're saying that WE are Kaana Rajas?'....'So net-net, only if someone is desperate, they will find us good-looking?'

Someone ( male) pipes in merrily with 'One eyed beauties, eh, A?' while the rest of us carry on haranguing the young man who already looks distinctly older, if not wiser.

I promise A that I will post about this little faux-pas.

I will now go and explain it to him. 'Faux-pas, A, means a little bit of an oopsy...'