What Peanut Says

- Mama - favorite word. favorite person. Meeee!
- Dada -second favorite.
- Ka - for the K
- Ino - For our driver, Vinod.
- Bwaaa - my Bua
- Puh-paa - my grandfather
- Nana - my uncle, Bua's hubby.
- Duuu - for Didu, my mother
- Maa (pronounced like the hindi word for 'me') - my sister
- Mall - for ball
- Paa - for park
- Paa - also for water
- Thanna - cold water
- Too - Toot sweet, song from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
- Chee Chee Man Man - above mentioned movie
- Bay-bee - for Baby
- Dee Dee - for little girls (and unfortunately for them, little boys too)
- Boo - for book
- N'Kal - for Uncle
- Anty - for Aunty (rarely said)
- Ikeem - for icecream ( I didn't know she could say this until she impatiently screamed it at me while I was having one)
- Gar - for Ghar - insists on going there very quickly after I get back home
- Paar - for 'pyaar' - she gets my grandpa to pat my arm when I come home
- Dudu - the actual first word when I get home - well before Mama.
- Suh-lute - Salutes, after putting on any hat she can find
- Joo - Juice, her favorite drink
- Cheesh- her favorite snack
- Shu-Shu and Poo-Poo - self-explanatory, said after the act, though I hope this changes soon
- Kal - for Twinkle, Twinkle, makes me sing this sometimes
- Baa - for Baa, Baa Black Sheep, makes me sing this sometimes too.
- Mumma - for the song in Dasvidaniya. Loves this song.
- Happle - for Apple
- Humm - for 'eat'
- Annnar - for Pomegranate
- Bed - for Bread
- Par - means Upar, pats my shoulder and tries to get me to carry her on them. Sometimes works.
- Tee - means TV. Said with an engaging grin, unfortunately charms my grandpa to switch it on for her a bit too often.
- Chawwo - Chalo, let's go!
- Baby Chho - Baby is sleeping
- Choo choo - train
- Boww-woww - dog (also cow, horse, and I think almost all other four legged animals)
- Haa and naii - yes and no.
- Tha - Thank you.

Okay, can't think of more now. Lunch beckons.

Judge me...not!

This is one post where the words aren't really flowing.

It's something which I wasn't sure I really wanted to even write about in the first place.

But then I thought I just would.

So the thing is - one of the reasons that I've just not been blogging too much of late, is that I actually have been feeling that we mommy bloggers are a rather judgmental lot.

I can't actually think of all the various things that I've read in the past few weeks that have made me form that impression - but it's there, somewhere.

First of all, this 'judging' thing is very high in general - I think as a society, we probably have this tendency to comment on 'other people' and their life choices, rather a lot.

This post has actually been triggered by Rohini's post on judging and comparing ( it's been so long since I blogged that I can't seem to link it to that particular post, so just linked to her blog) - though hers was a humorous take on this very natural impulse that we all have as far as judging goes.

Some of the things that make me feel judged...

a. The whole working mom versus stay-at-home-mom thing. Sigh. Yes, I don't spend as many hours in the day with Peanut as I would, were I at home. Yes, maybe she would turn out differently if I did spend the whole day with her. But, considering that I might die of boredom of sitting at home or of being her all-day pacifier, and research shows it's difficult to be a good mom when you're dead, this one just works better for me.

b. Yes, my daughter isn't too tough. She's rather delicate and hasn't put on too much weight in the last few months. Her doc says she could have put on another kilo or two by now, but by and large, she's fine. So I guess it's okay. But I don't feel it.

c. No, she isn't talking much at all, although she understands almost everything we say, and makes herself understood through monosyllables, gestures and other amusing expressions. And I know that some, perhaps many, mothers have kids who are younger and speaking more by now. It shouldn't matter. But it does, at least a bit.

d. The whole thing about taking a maid places. Yes, the fact is that my daughter is being looked after by the K, but while I'm home, she doesn't let the K do a single thing for her. However, sometimes, it's just easier to also take the K along for things like shopping, or even when I am visiting someone. And yet, the recent verdict seems to have been that this, too, is somehow wrong, insensitive, so on and so forth, and that I am somehow 'missing out on her childhood' by letting the maid help even when I'm around. Uhh- I don't think so - although some people do.

e. On not wanting to spend every minute of my waking (and non-working) hours with her - yes, I do believe in some time for just me - or just me and my husband. Those opportunities are not many. I remember reading a judgment on a mother who apparently 'sneaked into her own house for an hour's rest' before letting her baby discover she had arrived. This hasn't ever happened to me, but I totally understand the need for some rest after a particularly bad day at work - and hey, perhaps it helped that particular mom be far more engaged after an hour's rest? Just saying.

f. Overall, we seem very quick to judge each other or 'other mothers' and a lot of time, we use phrases like 'I would never do that.....I do it this way...I make sure that in MY case, MY kid is treated such and such way...'...'I NEVER let MY baby watch TV' ...'How could she let her baby 'cry it out'? (maybe it worked for her?)...'You're STILL breastfeeding?' ...(yes, I am and mostly loving it if I don't have to do it every two hours)... Yada, yada, yada.

Now, the thing is, I could totally be over-reacting to this. But I want to hear from the rest of you, and I want your honest opinions, please.

Do YOU think we collectively are too judgmental - as a mommy blogger community, I mean? And would appreciate if we didn't come up with the usual ' judging is normal, we wouldn't be human without it' and all those qualifiers.

Open up and tell me if you've felt judged or uncomfortable about something you've read - either as a post, or people's responses in comments and so on.

And just as a thought - you think we could just give each other a break?

And am I over-reacting? Being terribly defensive because I am unsure of my own parenting? Possibly. But so what? The feeling lingers, though I care a lot less about it than I used to...

Edited to add: The words that weren't flowing in the beginning, certainly flowed later! :-P

Am posting the answer now...

In the comments to my previous post though - so that for those who want to give it another shot after the clarification below, the answer isn't given away straight up -

The clarification is for all those looking for the 'other third possible solution' is that the ONLY two choices are - allowing it to proceed on Track A towards 3 kids on the used track, OR diverting it to Track B towards the lone child on the unused track. You can't pick up the kids, warn them off, stop the train, blah blah blah. So don't be smarties, please! Just choose one of the two...

A Morbid Hypothetical Situation

...was described by our Boss as an opening to one of our all-day meetings earlier this week. I was quite fascinated by the way people reacted to the particular question that he posed and thought I'd check out how other people would answer.

The situation was described as thus:

- There are two train tracks - Track A and Track B.
- Track A, is a track that is in regular use, while Track B, is a track that is not in use.
- On Track A, 3 children are playing - while on Track B, one child is playing alone.
- A train is hurtling down Track A, and it's heading for the three kids.
- If you are in charge of the lever that switches the course of the train between Track A and Track B, and you therefore have only two choices, which one would you choose and why?

a. Let the train continue on Track A towards the 3 children OR
b. Divert the train to Track B towards the kid playing solo?

The idea here is to not think too much, and put down your instinctive response.

I'd be interested to know your first reaction, reasons why, and whether your answer changed as you wrote it in the comments section.

I will tell you the 'correct answer' after a while - let's say after 8-10 people submit their views?

That sounds fair to me

Parental Instincts

Mother's instinct....

I'm sitting, playing with Peanut on the bed. She's in a giggly mood, and is flopping all over the place. I turn to talk to Vijay, and see out of the corner of my eye that Peanut is doing a backward flop with full gusto.

I also notice simultaneously that my husband has foolishly left his laptop on the edge of the bed, which is where my baby's head is going to land in the next few milliseconds.

Time stands still for me, my heart skips a beat. Without thinking, my hand lashes out and thwacks the baby's head, deflecting her in the nick of time. She lands safely, her head narrowly missing the laptop, although her happy eight-toothed grin is wiped off her face, and startled by my intervention, she starts to cry loudly.

Father's instinct...

Vijay has so far been but a mute observer to this event, but now he leaps into action. But to my shock, instead of congratulating me on my quick action, he simply uses the opportunity to win some brownie points with the baby, immediately pouncing upon the wailing, confused child and saying...

'Oh my poor little one...Mama ne maara?...Dada ke paas aao...Dada nahin marega...'.

Whatever. He's just lucky he didn't get the laptop against his head.

February...

...really is my favourite month.

The weather in Delhi is beautiful. As I sit here and type, it's a sunny Saturday afternoon and there is a delightful breeze, coming in through the open door at my mom's place. The only thing missing today is Vijay's presence. As sucky as it is to have only two Saturdays off in a month, Vijay has it worse with only one Saturday off!

Anyway, so February is great. It's not just the weather. Many other little things, like the inevitable surprise party around my birthday ( I mean, let's face it - I know I'm getting too old for this stuff, but it's a fun tradition) ; our marriage anniversary ( has it really been six years?) and other assorted things that make it the most pleasant month of the year.

Coming back to the Saturday thing - I really have realized that Saturday is an incredibly important day, and not just to chill out- it's more to do with finishing off your chores and getting some peace of mind and some time to unwind. So the couple of weekends that I get which actually do have Saturdays off, are rather precious.

I took the opportunity to take Peanut off for a doctor's visit - and an immunization which I realized with some guilt, was two weeks overdue. This time round, she started crying as soon as she saw the doctor, clearly associating his presence with the inevitable jab in her thigh. I felt really bad for her, but had a series of questions to ask him. The exercise was pointless because I was distracted by her crying while asking, and so was he, while answering. Taking her outside of the room ( the K was with me) didn't help either because on weekends, nothing the K tries can distract Peanut's attention from me. Eventually, the doctor suggested we just get the injection over with and stop torturing Peanut, and I agreed. It was over in a flash, but her anger lasted a lot longer.

I remembered that right after she was born, the same doctor was trying to give me some instructions on her care, and I was a little distracted, and hoping that he would start addressing those instructions to Vijay instead. He chided me, asking 'Who is the primary caregiver?'. Naturally, this annoyed me and I pointed to Vijay, saying 'Him'. The doctor was not amused and neither was I. Anyway, 19 months later, here we were again - I've been thinking of finding a doctor closer to our place (and perhaps closer to our generation), but again, that's something I haven't got around to doing yet.

Vijay and I took Peanut to Nirula's a couple of days back - she loves the place, and associates it immediately with ice-cream, and walks around dripping Butterscotch crunch all over the place. She also loves the tiny chairs they have for kids and deposits herself on her favourite blue one very regally. We have a bit of an issue while trying to leave, though - largely, because she doesn't want to and has to be dragged out, kicking and screaming.

Ok, the weather really is too tempting to be sitting indoors and blogging. I'm going to grab myself an after-lunch piece of gur ( don't you just love gur? I do) and contemplate my existence on the sunny spot on the front steps.

Yes. I love February. And Saturdays.

Assorted...

Vijay: Your happy burday is coming up! What would you like, honey?
Y ( thinking hard): Well, I'm a simple person with simple tastes. I think all I want is you to take me to the zoo on Sunday.
Vijay: Whatttt?
Y: Why? What's wrong? It'll be really nice. Peanut can come too.
Vijay: Ummm....
Y: What is with you? Why can't we just go for a nice family outing on a Sunday? Why do you bother asking? I've been told the Delhi Zoo is quite nice.
Vijay (relieved) : Oh, ZOO! I thought you said 'Loo'...

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The fight for Peanut's affection has officially begun.

Over the last few days, Peanut has lost around ten percent of her cling-iness to me. She now exhibits a definite excitement about Vijay's return from office, and actually fusses over and hugs him - as opposed to her almost constant irritation with him over the previous two months or so.

She still prefers that I do most of her stuff for her, but I get at least a little bit of relief nowadays when she allows Vijay to occasionally do something.

Vijay stayed at home a day or so over the last couple of weeks, and before I knew it, he had sneakily taught her to say 'Dada' as a response to his query 'Peanut kiski beti hai?'. He did this by the simple means of saying it over and over himself until she started to do so, and then reinforcing it with loud claps and 'yaayyyys'.

So the last time I finished changing her nappy, after a great deal of difficulty -because she insisted on getting up and running away, teetering on the edge of the bed many times - he stood around watching from a distance, and finally asked her 'Peanut kiski beti hai?', and she automatically replied, almost before he finished his question 'Dada'.

Vijay clapped loudly, said 'Yayyy' and then cackled for a long while, summing it all up with a shot at me ' Honey...ghar tum banao...par nameplate mera...'

.......................................................................................................................

But who cares? Mostly, it's me and her, all the way. I created a mini-me!