Giving to beggars is wrong - is what I've been brought up to believe. The money doesn't go to them anyway, it's a whole industry, encouraging it is wrong, so on and so forth.
It's not easy to remember that when there's a hungry-looking little kid peering in through the car window. And of late, it was getting even more difficult for me to ignore them. Even on the occasions that I did manage to act uninterested, and cause them to give up and walk away, I would find myself peering curiously at them from behind my sunglasses. Where is that kid's mom? What is that little girl going to do when she gets older? What is that tiny boy's name?
The ones that really get to me are the Entertainers. They usually work in pairs, with one person beating on a dholak, while the other one, usually a smaller kid with painted red cheeks and moustaches, does these strange acrobatics and contortions. I watch, out of the corner of my eye, as they turn somersaults and cartwheels and push themselves through a ring.
Last week, my heart went out to one little boy and I told myself 'It's not begging' and gave him a few rupees. He grinned and ran away.
The next day, at the same traffic light, there he was again. His face lit up when he saw me, and he came running up, and started swinging his head to set his cap going - what IS that thing called, the string on top of their caps that goes round and round - anyway, he started up again, and I gave in and handed over a little money.
The third day, I could see him coming - and vice versa. He spotted me from a distance and came running over and repeated his little performance with a disarming grin. I tried to resist but couldn't - but I clearly told him that 'kal se, kuchh paisa nahin milega'.
The fourth day, he tried his luck again, but I refused to give him anything. But as the car pulled away, I felt the urge to give him something - but had determined not to give him cash. I ended up handing over my breakfast, a couple of sandwiches I had grabbed to eat on the way - without missing a beat, he asked for 'pani' but I didn't have any.
And then it struck me - I had seen my friend Abhi carry cold water to hand over to the kids at a traffic light near his home - and Vijay had bought a large number of biscuits to hand out once. I figured I would go with the biscuits.
So the day before yesterday, enthusiastically, I bought over 30 packets and kept them ready to hand out to all the kids I encountered. And I managed to give away quite a few, but somehow couldn't connect with my little Entertainer friend. Of course, almost each other kid decided to quickly bring back a friend, or a sibling, in order to get another packet, which I obliged with.
In the evening yesterday, at the traffic light right outside my office, one more kid asked for a second packet, saying it was for his brother, vaguely gesturing towards some point in the distance. The doubt must have shown clearly on my face, and suddenly he ran away, clearly to fetch him. I called out to tell him it was okay, that he could have another packet anyway, but he was already halfway across the road - I cringed as an auto screeched to a halt a few inches from him, and he scrambled up the pavement and disappeared from sight. He came back into view shortly, carrying a dirty looking little bald baby. If it was possible for me to feel any worse, I did when I saw him wiping the baby's face hurriedly as he carried him over, obviously in an attempt to make him look slightly presentable to me.
The baby's eyes were dull - he looked about a year old, but I couldn't really tell. I quickly held out another packet of biscuits and he took it listlessly - the older boy quickly took it from him, grinned his gratitude once and then walked off without a backward glance. I caught a glimpse of the back of the baby's head - it was covered in sores.
This morning on the way to work, and also in the afternoon as I returned to work after lunch, I missed out on giving to the kids because the car couldn't stop for long enough at the lights - I realized I still hadn't been able to give a packet to the Entertainer, my little performing friend, and felt quite disappointed. Especially because he spotted me again and practically jumped for joy before a big bus blocked our view of each other. Another little girl saw me and started running but the people behind my car were honking like psychotic idiots and we couldn't stop. The little girl ran a long way behind us but we were too far ahead for her to catch up.
Maybe tomorrow, though.
I'm glad I'm doing this - even though I have a sneaking suspicion I should hand out loose biscuits or at least tear the packet open so that it gets eaten and not sold. I'm quite aware of and okay with the reputation I must be developing amongst the kids. 'Here comes the Crazy Biscuit Lady - What a Sucker' is probably the essence of the refrain that goes up when I come into view. And that's absolutely fine with me.
I am quite ashamed that I haven't done anything notably charitable apart from a few random attempts here and there - including sponsoring a little girl called Shrikala from the SOS children's village in Bangalore, years ago when Vijay and I lived there. It was one of the most rewarding experiences possible, but so short-lived - after we moved to Bombay, we were too busy to get in touch with her again, and I keep planning to send her a letter or some gifts, but haven't done so due to lack of ...nothing. Excuses, excuses.
Anybody else noticed how easy it is for people like us us to just ignore people who aren't as lucky as we are? To justify it either by using some deeper philosophy of 'past life karma' or an unnecessarily indignant, sputtering 'Well, why can't they just find work'? Maybe that little 8-year old can't actually find 'work' - and would be underage anyway.
So while they are there, right in front of us, peering hungrily through the car window, everyday- what can we do to help?
What do you do to help?
And what is your view on this whole 'giving to beggars is wrong' deal?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
'Allo, 'Allo!
Just came back from a trip to the hills over the weekend. Stayed with some friends of the family, who live in the most beautiful house in the world ( as far as I've seen, anyway!) and had a good time. Saw the best views, met some nice people, had some great wine, so much so that I even enjoyed watching the grand finale of 'Jo Jeeta Wahi Superstaaaar', which has quite a fan in my mother. But I digress. So anyway, walked a lot in the mountains, got followed by a stray dog, nearly fell to my death on the highly treacherous terrain, got wet in the rain, was asked to use an umbrella, refused haughtily and promptly fell ill, developed high temperature, was given many crocins and bundled up in a blanket and miraculously recovered in two hours. Took the train there and found that Peanut is overall much better in a train journey than in a plane journey. Went to visit the mother's old school in Sanawar and had bun samosas in Kasauli, only to find 'they don't make 'em like they used to'.
Oh, and also saw a rainbow. It was really bright and beautiful, could see the whole VIBGYOR. I don't know, I still get such a kick out of seeing a rainbow.
Fun. Hopefully, will post pics soon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a totally separate and unrelated note, here's a link to something developed at work - in the conceptualization of which I was involved, in my own little, quiet, unobtrusive way. If you like it, forward it to hundreds of other people. Okay, at least 5. And If you don't like it, shush.
Later!
Oh, and also saw a rainbow. It was really bright and beautiful, could see the whole VIBGYOR. I don't know, I still get such a kick out of seeing a rainbow.
Fun. Hopefully, will post pics soon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a totally separate and unrelated note, here's a link to something developed at work - in the conceptualization of which I was involved, in my own little, quiet, unobtrusive way. If you like it, forward it to hundreds of other people. Okay, at least 5. And If you don't like it, shush.
Later!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Another Sunday Night Post
...and it's been a crazy couple of weeks, it has.
To start with, last weekend there was a hurried trip to Jaipur - went on Saturday and came back the next day itself. Reached Delhi in the evening, all tired, but still managed to make it for the blogger meet at the Mad Momma's place. That was fun, although I was only there for a short while - it surprised me that Peanut didn't actually cry as much as she did the last time we went to MM's place. Instead, she just looked around at the other kids and kept crawling here and there, skillfully managing to avoid being trampled. It was good to meet everybody, especially Suki and ~nm - and I meant to write about it earlier but if you really want to read about it, here's MM's post and also ~nm's, here and here. I notice from the latter's post that she called me very quiet,and MM's said the same thing to me before (although in her case, it's a little tough for anyone trying to get a word in edgewise...ha ha! Just kidding, MM!)...I guess they should just get to know me a little better - no one who actually knows me has accused me of being quiet!
But yes, I suppose I do take time to open up with people. I'm sort of shy like that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there's the fact that it seems we've finally found ourselves a place - will move in after a few weeks. It's actually everything that we wanted - well, almost - no wooden flooring, so that sucks (...for Vijay, not me - I'm quite happy). It was a frustrating couple of months, but hopefully, it'll turn out all worth it, and that this place does work out - the landlord's family looks pretty reasonable, too, so far. Fingers crossed, but yay!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I also got me a new haircut - it's shorter than it has been in 12 years. I just told the parlor lady to do what she liked with it, and she did.
Vijay hates it though - although he refuses to admit it. That's pretty much in line with almost every man who's seen it in the last week - the comments from most of the men in my office range from: 'Whoa! Baaki kahaan hai?' (accompanied by fake laughter) to 'New look, eh?' ( Politely retreating after this astute observation). Most men really are chauvinists!
But all the women love it, and so do the guys younger than thirty. More importantly, I love it. Most importantly, it doesn't make a difference to Peanut!
Anyway, I've been trying to get Vijay to admit he hates it but he skilfully manages to change the subject everytime. But today, when I said my hair's growing too fast and it's already looking much longer and I may trim a bit from the back, he blurted out 'No! Tum phirse waise lagoge...'. He then bit his tongue and clammed up totally, and I couldn't get out of him what he meant by 'waise'...
He's actually been trying to grow his hair of late, and I haven't given Peanut her haircut in months too. As a result of the three of us have almost exactly the same hairstyle now. I bet we look a sight when we go visiting.
I remarked to Vijay that my hair grows so much faster than his and he smoothly, lovingly replied 'Itni achhi khaad jo hai neeche, na'...
Took me a second to get it. Yes, I married a clown. A chauvinistic clown, at that.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, I remembered another post I had written on my hair when I started blogging. Before I became a Mom. I can't believe how much things change -I actually had the time to think about and write in depth about things like that. That's the other interesting thing about maintaining a record of your thoughts like this - you can really see the changes in yourself.
This was also brought home to me by the arrival of a mysterious packet of gifts the other day. My maid handed it to me saying that someone had left it for me. I opened it to find a couple of little books and other assorted things like eyeliner and other make up items. I wondered who it could be from, and ooh-ed and aah-ed over the wonderful little book 'That's not my Reindeer' - a touchy-feely baby book. I then turned to my sister and said 'But what's Peanut going to do with eyeliner?'
She looked at me strangely and said 'I think, that could be for you'. She went on to laugh and remark how I've become 'such a Mom'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the work front, I'm hoping things ease up a bit because I've got two new members in my team this week. Well, I don't really expect things to get any less crazy, but am hoping to get a chance to do a lot of new stuff that's been pending because we've just been very stretched overall. I think working in this start-up environment suits me a lot better, though - it's dynamic and interesting - and there are some people around who are really fun to work with.
Now if only I could figure out a way to stop feeling so tired. Peanut has for the last three days refused to have any solids, and has reverted almost completely to breastfeeding only - and that means waking up more often at night to feed too. Any idea why this is happening when she's almost a year old?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Which reminds me, at the blogger meet, a couple of people asked why I claim to have weight issues, on the blog - I haven't bothered to check of late but I think I've actually lost quite a bit of weight. I think it's just been the getting out of the house that's done it - the only extra thing I do is walk up ten flights of stairs to the office every day. It's effective but a little boring.
My office shifts to its new location next month, and I was sort of hoping I would have an excuse to drop the long trudge upstairs - and then I discovered it's going to be on the 11th floor.
Fine, be like that!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend Richa is in town, and she's getting married. The last of my single female friends to take the plunge. We went by to see her today, and found her getting her mehendi done by two skilled artists, while a few friends and family members thronged around her, and a totally besura but enthusiastic woman on the dholak bawled out shaadi songs deafeningly. It was great to see her - Richa, not the dholak lady, that is. But my heart went out to her because she's just not the 'traditional marriage scene' type and didn't really look like she was enjoying it all too much- and she's been sick for the last couple of days, to top it all off.
Anyway, I hope she feels better soon, and look forward to seeing her on the big day, in her Lehenga (...that weighs a ton, and is ridiculously expensive, and I don't understand why we have to do all these things, and I'm just going to get married in court, and I'm going to run away...)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm almost finished with this post - and that silly Asia Cup final is over - thank God- and Vijay looks a bit sullen. Apparently, we've lost by over a 100 runs. Obviously, that's not very good, but for some reason, Vijay is still hanging around with the TV, waiting to hear Dhoni's speech. I am not sure whether it's see how the captain maintains his cool after a loss, or a 'You owe me an explanation, dammit!' thing. I just don't understand this game. Or my husband, for that matter.
And on that pleasant note - goodnight, all.
To start with, last weekend there was a hurried trip to Jaipur - went on Saturday and came back the next day itself. Reached Delhi in the evening, all tired, but still managed to make it for the blogger meet at the Mad Momma's place. That was fun, although I was only there for a short while - it surprised me that Peanut didn't actually cry as much as she did the last time we went to MM's place. Instead, she just looked around at the other kids and kept crawling here and there, skillfully managing to avoid being trampled. It was good to meet everybody, especially Suki and ~nm - and I meant to write about it earlier but if you really want to read about it, here's MM's post and also ~nm's, here and here. I notice from the latter's post that she called me very quiet,and MM's said the same thing to me before (although in her case, it's a little tough for anyone trying to get a word in edgewise...ha ha! Just kidding, MM!)...I guess they should just get to know me a little better - no one who actually knows me has accused me of being quiet!
But yes, I suppose I do take time to open up with people. I'm sort of shy like that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there's the fact that it seems we've finally found ourselves a place - will move in after a few weeks. It's actually everything that we wanted - well, almost - no wooden flooring, so that sucks (...for Vijay, not me - I'm quite happy). It was a frustrating couple of months, but hopefully, it'll turn out all worth it, and that this place does work out - the landlord's family looks pretty reasonable, too, so far. Fingers crossed, but yay!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I also got me a new haircut - it's shorter than it has been in 12 years. I just told the parlor lady to do what she liked with it, and she did.
Vijay hates it though - although he refuses to admit it. That's pretty much in line with almost every man who's seen it in the last week - the comments from most of the men in my office range from: 'Whoa! Baaki kahaan hai?' (accompanied by fake laughter) to 'New look, eh?' ( Politely retreating after this astute observation). Most men really are chauvinists!
But all the women love it, and so do the guys younger than thirty. More importantly, I love it. Most importantly, it doesn't make a difference to Peanut!
Anyway, I've been trying to get Vijay to admit he hates it but he skilfully manages to change the subject everytime. But today, when I said my hair's growing too fast and it's already looking much longer and I may trim a bit from the back, he blurted out 'No! Tum phirse waise lagoge...'. He then bit his tongue and clammed up totally, and I couldn't get out of him what he meant by 'waise'...
He's actually been trying to grow his hair of late, and I haven't given Peanut her haircut in months too. As a result of the three of us have almost exactly the same hairstyle now. I bet we look a sight when we go visiting.
I remarked to Vijay that my hair grows so much faster than his and he smoothly, lovingly replied 'Itni achhi khaad jo hai neeche, na'...
Took me a second to get it. Yes, I married a clown. A chauvinistic clown, at that.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, I remembered another post I had written on my hair when I started blogging. Before I became a Mom. I can't believe how much things change -I actually had the time to think about and write in depth about things like that. That's the other interesting thing about maintaining a record of your thoughts like this - you can really see the changes in yourself.
This was also brought home to me by the arrival of a mysterious packet of gifts the other day. My maid handed it to me saying that someone had left it for me. I opened it to find a couple of little books and other assorted things like eyeliner and other make up items. I wondered who it could be from, and ooh-ed and aah-ed over the wonderful little book 'That's not my Reindeer' - a touchy-feely baby book. I then turned to my sister and said 'But what's Peanut going to do with eyeliner?'
She looked at me strangely and said 'I think, that could be for you'. She went on to laugh and remark how I've become 'such a Mom'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the work front, I'm hoping things ease up a bit because I've got two new members in my team this week. Well, I don't really expect things to get any less crazy, but am hoping to get a chance to do a lot of new stuff that's been pending because we've just been very stretched overall. I think working in this start-up environment suits me a lot better, though - it's dynamic and interesting - and there are some people around who are really fun to work with.
Now if only I could figure out a way to stop feeling so tired. Peanut has for the last three days refused to have any solids, and has reverted almost completely to breastfeeding only - and that means waking up more often at night to feed too. Any idea why this is happening when she's almost a year old?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Which reminds me, at the blogger meet, a couple of people asked why I claim to have weight issues, on the blog - I haven't bothered to check of late but I think I've actually lost quite a bit of weight. I think it's just been the getting out of the house that's done it - the only extra thing I do is walk up ten flights of stairs to the office every day. It's effective but a little boring.
My office shifts to its new location next month, and I was sort of hoping I would have an excuse to drop the long trudge upstairs - and then I discovered it's going to be on the 11th floor.
Fine, be like that!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend Richa is in town, and she's getting married. The last of my single female friends to take the plunge. We went by to see her today, and found her getting her mehendi done by two skilled artists, while a few friends and family members thronged around her, and a totally besura but enthusiastic woman on the dholak bawled out shaadi songs deafeningly. It was great to see her - Richa, not the dholak lady, that is. But my heart went out to her because she's just not the 'traditional marriage scene' type and didn't really look like she was enjoying it all too much- and she's been sick for the last couple of days, to top it all off.
Anyway, I hope she feels better soon, and look forward to seeing her on the big day, in her Lehenga (...that weighs a ton, and is ridiculously expensive, and I don't understand why we have to do all these things, and I'm just going to get married in court, and I'm going to run away...)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm almost finished with this post - and that silly Asia Cup final is over - thank God- and Vijay looks a bit sullen. Apparently, we've lost by over a 100 runs. Obviously, that's not very good, but for some reason, Vijay is still hanging around with the TV, waiting to hear Dhoni's speech. I am not sure whether it's see how the captain maintains his cool after a loss, or a 'You owe me an explanation, dammit!' thing. I just don't understand this game. Or my husband, for that matter.
And on that pleasant note - goodnight, all.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Bits and Ends
I'm kind of tired of these bloody landlords. They act like they're doing you a goddamn favour by considering you as a tenant for their flats. I mean, hello? There's this teensy weensy little thing known as 'rent' which is payment for occupancy of their property. That makes us the customers - and the customer is always right. Right?
Wrong.
So there's snotty Mrs. L who has a whole host of requirements ' ....no less than Rs. XXXXX per month, maintenance to be paid directly, I will need two cheques, part payment in cash ( hmm, shady lady!), 3 months advance, 3 months security, 1 month extra for some work I'm getting done on the flat, yada yada yada....'
Vijay and I ( prostrating ourselves at her feet) : Oh Thank you! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
Sigh. Cry. Moan. Groan. 'K, I'm done with this.
Hopefully the house hunt will be over soon. Hopefully.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have decided to start another blog - you may put this down as 'Coming Attraction'. I am thinking of basing it on Marketing, since that's what I do. Of course, as Vijay pointed out in his usual sardonic manner, nowadays even when a housewife goes to pick up alu-pyaaz, she refers to it as Marketing. Therefore, everybody is a Marketeer. I am hoping that unlike this blog, that blog actually says a few things that make sense - or otherwise, is confusing enough to impress a few people, who will in later years hire me for a high-paying consultancy-type role.
You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one.
I will probably be inviting guest contributions, given the lack of time I seem to be giving to this whole blogging thing nowadays. Are you interested in being a guest contributor on a new, fantastic blog on marketing whose name I haven't thought of yet?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peanut's new name is 'Chipkushka' because she's a total Chipku with me. She's going 'Mamamamamama' all the time when I'm around and I don't really get much time for anything else. Heck, who wants time for anything else! But still. Anyway, she's learnt quite a few gestures such as 'Kangi Karo' ( touches her head and runs her fingers through her hair); 'Namaste karo' ( folds hands together clumsily); 'Taali bajao' (tries to brings hands together and misses, sometimes gets it right) and so on. She even 'scolds' me when I refuse to feed her after being bitten by her - she cries unhappily as I cover up, and waves her finger at me wildly, in an accurate imitation of my 'Don't do that' gesture.
Her latest is 'Wah' - which of course is being taught to her by her father. I mildly suggested that may be a little more useful to teach her a few signs such as 'I'm hungry' or 'I'm tired' but Vijay looked at me blankly and went back to stretching his arm out dramatically towards the ceiling and saying 'Betu, do like THIS with your hand - and say 'Wah!''
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was a bit bored one day last week and decided to give myself a different hairstyle. Oh, all right, so I just thought I would part my hair on the right instead of the left. I did so while looking in the mirror, and immediately wished I hadn't - because there they were, irrefutable proof of the fact that I am now old - two distinctly white hair.
I couldn't believe it - I've never had white hair in my life, not even one. And almost everybody around me has some white hair - friends, colleagues, younger siblings...I've often privately pitied their premature aging and thanked the universe that my hair has stayed its original colour.
But so much for that, eh? I'm now officially old. What the early marriage, the 6 years of corporate life, the childbirth and motherhood couldn't do - the simple action of parting my hair on the right that day, has done.
I went back to parting my hair on the left, but it's too late.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would have liked to end this on a happier note, but I can't think of anything else right now and it's Sunday night and I'm tired and I'm just thinking about how a one-day weekend isn't really a weekend at all and how it's going to be another action packed week at work from tomorrow morning and how I have to pee right now and I'm going so Goodnight.
Wrong.
So there's snotty Mrs. L who has a whole host of requirements ' ....no less than Rs. XXXXX per month, maintenance to be paid directly, I will need two cheques, part payment in cash ( hmm, shady lady!), 3 months advance, 3 months security, 1 month extra for some work I'm getting done on the flat, yada yada yada....'
Vijay and I ( prostrating ourselves at her feet) : Oh Thank you! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
Sigh. Cry. Moan. Groan. 'K, I'm done with this.
Hopefully the house hunt will be over soon. Hopefully.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have decided to start another blog - you may put this down as 'Coming Attraction'. I am thinking of basing it on Marketing, since that's what I do. Of course, as Vijay pointed out in his usual sardonic manner, nowadays even when a housewife goes to pick up alu-pyaaz, she refers to it as Marketing. Therefore, everybody is a Marketeer. I am hoping that unlike this blog, that blog actually says a few things that make sense - or otherwise, is confusing enough to impress a few people, who will in later years hire me for a high-paying consultancy-type role.
You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one.
I will probably be inviting guest contributions, given the lack of time I seem to be giving to this whole blogging thing nowadays. Are you interested in being a guest contributor on a new, fantastic blog on marketing whose name I haven't thought of yet?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peanut's new name is 'Chipkushka' because she's a total Chipku with me. She's going 'Mamamamamama' all the time when I'm around and I don't really get much time for anything else. Heck, who wants time for anything else! But still. Anyway, she's learnt quite a few gestures such as 'Kangi Karo' ( touches her head and runs her fingers through her hair); 'Namaste karo' ( folds hands together clumsily); 'Taali bajao' (tries to brings hands together and misses, sometimes gets it right) and so on. She even 'scolds' me when I refuse to feed her after being bitten by her - she cries unhappily as I cover up, and waves her finger at me wildly, in an accurate imitation of my 'Don't do that' gesture.
Her latest is 'Wah' - which of course is being taught to her by her father. I mildly suggested that may be a little more useful to teach her a few signs such as 'I'm hungry' or 'I'm tired' but Vijay looked at me blankly and went back to stretching his arm out dramatically towards the ceiling and saying 'Betu, do like THIS with your hand - and say 'Wah!''
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was a bit bored one day last week and decided to give myself a different hairstyle. Oh, all right, so I just thought I would part my hair on the right instead of the left. I did so while looking in the mirror, and immediately wished I hadn't - because there they were, irrefutable proof of the fact that I am now old - two distinctly white hair.
I couldn't believe it - I've never had white hair in my life, not even one. And almost everybody around me has some white hair - friends, colleagues, younger siblings...I've often privately pitied their premature aging and thanked the universe that my hair has stayed its original colour.
But so much for that, eh? I'm now officially old. What the early marriage, the 6 years of corporate life, the childbirth and motherhood couldn't do - the simple action of parting my hair on the right that day, has done.
I went back to parting my hair on the left, but it's too late.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would have liked to end this on a happier note, but I can't think of anything else right now and it's Sunday night and I'm tired and I'm just thinking about how a one-day weekend isn't really a weekend at all and how it's going to be another action packed week at work from tomorrow morning and how I have to pee right now and I'm going so Goodnight.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Working Moms?
I usually stay far away from any remotely serious topics, and am not particularly interested in controversy - I just don't have the energy or time to deal with it regularly, anyway.
That's why I've always been a silent observer of the entire Mommy debate - the 'Working Mom' vs. 'Stay at Home Mom' thing.
I had a good long set of months to observe this debate too, when I was on maternity leave with Peanut. It was a very much-needed break for me and I focussed totally on the baby - and realized that I need to work - actually, I want to work. It's just that I needed to find the right support system to let me do it, and also, to find work that I would really enjoy. Both of these happened when we decided to move to Delhi.
Of course, when I started work after the long break, I had a lot of things on my mind as to how it would work out - I hadn't actually left Peanut for more than a couple of hours - was continuing to breastfeed her, and she was still very fussy about taking solids regularly. I thought she would continue to be on my mind all the time, and that I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I also thought that my restricted travel could prove to be an issue. As would the coming back in the middle of the day to feed her. And so on.
Well, it looks like it's all going to work out, and has been working out just fine for the last couple of months. A lot of things have helped in this regard:
- Having a boss who is a Mom of three kids and openly supportive about my needing to go home at lunchtime to see Peanut. Being able to see her in the middle of the day is a very big plus, for both Peanut and me.
- Having family around for support - even though they all work, I know my mother and sister can be called upon to come home a bit earlier than usual on the rare occasions that I get late. Oh, and Vijay too.
- Having a maid who has been with us for a quarter of a century to watch over Peanut. I can't actually imagine trusting Peanut with someone new or unknown. I suppose one would have found a way to survive without her, but I'm glad I haven't had to.
- Breastfeeding. It is very relaxing, and ensures that Peanut and I get some alone time together at regular intervals of the day - before and after work, and even during lunch. I was planning to wean her at 1 year, which is just a month away now, but I actually see no reason to now. I'd like to hear from the moms who continued beyond one year, most of the mommy bloggers I've read seem to have stopped at 1 year or earlier. 'Benefits of extended breastfeeding', anyone?
- Having work that is engaging, and ensures that I don't sit around thinking 'Why am I here and not with my baby at home, sniff, sob'. It's not easy to leave her every morning, especially when that quivering pink lower lip and those frantically flailing chubby white arms come into play. I'd hate to be pining away for her while I was at work. But it doesn't really happen - I'm always glad to be back home, but I'm never dragging my feet to work either. ( Except that post lunch sleepy time is a killer for a few minutes, of course!)
Anyway, the point I was eventually hoping to meander around to - I was slightly - okay, very - inflamed to read an article on some study in Australia or New Zealand or something - which said that a recent survey showed that working mothers are treated as 'relatively unskilled' and given far less preference in their fields of work than their non-maternal counterparts. The time they spend on maternity leave, or if they choose to take a longer break, all goes against them when they do decide to go back to work.
I don't know about this. I have myself faced some slight bias in this regard. Even though my previous company gave me an enviably long maternity leave, I know there was some khit-pit ( a better word escapes me right now) about my wanting to work flexi-time. And this, when I worked on a branch of marketing which involves a lot of thinking time, and is eminently do-able out of home. Plus, I've done well for years at work and was rated fairly highly. When I finally decided to move to Delhi and quit, I was asked a number of times to reconsider but I really didn't want to reconsider anymore. I was told I was a highly valued resource but I didn't feel particularly valued. I was asked to give an exit interview, and I was very candid in my feedback. My candour probably had the HR person's ear hurting by the end of it. To be fair to him, he was very supportive as a person, but I think it was just a larger thing, a very real thing : there is this - in varying degrees of intensity and openness - bias against working mothers.
And even though I don't really face this in my current role, I think a large part of this comes from having a boss, who by virtue of being an effective working mother of multiple children, is just very understanding about the whole deal. What about other working moms, who may not be that lucky?
In short: it kind of sucks! What's your take?
That's why I've always been a silent observer of the entire Mommy debate - the 'Working Mom' vs. 'Stay at Home Mom' thing.
I had a good long set of months to observe this debate too, when I was on maternity leave with Peanut. It was a very much-needed break for me and I focussed totally on the baby - and realized that I need to work - actually, I want to work. It's just that I needed to find the right support system to let me do it, and also, to find work that I would really enjoy. Both of these happened when we decided to move to Delhi.
Of course, when I started work after the long break, I had a lot of things on my mind as to how it would work out - I hadn't actually left Peanut for more than a couple of hours - was continuing to breastfeed her, and she was still very fussy about taking solids regularly. I thought she would continue to be on my mind all the time, and that I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I also thought that my restricted travel could prove to be an issue. As would the coming back in the middle of the day to feed her. And so on.
Well, it looks like it's all going to work out, and has been working out just fine for the last couple of months. A lot of things have helped in this regard:
- Having a boss who is a Mom of three kids and openly supportive about my needing to go home at lunchtime to see Peanut. Being able to see her in the middle of the day is a very big plus, for both Peanut and me.
- Having family around for support - even though they all work, I know my mother and sister can be called upon to come home a bit earlier than usual on the rare occasions that I get late. Oh, and Vijay too.
- Having a maid who has been with us for a quarter of a century to watch over Peanut. I can't actually imagine trusting Peanut with someone new or unknown. I suppose one would have found a way to survive without her, but I'm glad I haven't had to.
- Breastfeeding. It is very relaxing, and ensures that Peanut and I get some alone time together at regular intervals of the day - before and after work, and even during lunch. I was planning to wean her at 1 year, which is just a month away now, but I actually see no reason to now. I'd like to hear from the moms who continued beyond one year, most of the mommy bloggers I've read seem to have stopped at 1 year or earlier. 'Benefits of extended breastfeeding', anyone?
- Having work that is engaging, and ensures that I don't sit around thinking 'Why am I here and not with my baby at home, sniff, sob'. It's not easy to leave her every morning, especially when that quivering pink lower lip and those frantically flailing chubby white arms come into play. I'd hate to be pining away for her while I was at work. But it doesn't really happen - I'm always glad to be back home, but I'm never dragging my feet to work either. ( Except that post lunch sleepy time is a killer for a few minutes, of course!)
Anyway, the point I was eventually hoping to meander around to - I was slightly - okay, very - inflamed to read an article on some study in Australia or New Zealand or something - which said that a recent survey showed that working mothers are treated as 'relatively unskilled' and given far less preference in their fields of work than their non-maternal counterparts. The time they spend on maternity leave, or if they choose to take a longer break, all goes against them when they do decide to go back to work.
I don't know about this. I have myself faced some slight bias in this regard. Even though my previous company gave me an enviably long maternity leave, I know there was some khit-pit ( a better word escapes me right now) about my wanting to work flexi-time. And this, when I worked on a branch of marketing which involves a lot of thinking time, and is eminently do-able out of home. Plus, I've done well for years at work and was rated fairly highly. When I finally decided to move to Delhi and quit, I was asked a number of times to reconsider but I really didn't want to reconsider anymore. I was told I was a highly valued resource but I didn't feel particularly valued. I was asked to give an exit interview, and I was very candid in my feedback. My candour probably had the HR person's ear hurting by the end of it. To be fair to him, he was very supportive as a person, but I think it was just a larger thing, a very real thing : there is this - in varying degrees of intensity and openness - bias against working mothers.
And even though I don't really face this in my current role, I think a large part of this comes from having a boss, who by virtue of being an effective working mother of multiple children, is just very understanding about the whole deal. What about other working moms, who may not be that lucky?
In short: it kind of sucks! What's your take?
Thursday, June 12, 2008
An Important conclusion
I just came home at 7 p.m., and Peanut decided to drift off to sleep while I was feeding her. So I find myself with an unusual bit of free time and thought I'd write.
It's not been the best couple of days- both at work and at home. There's a lot going on and a whole bunch of issues to deal with. I will refrain from getting into the specifics. Let me just say this:
Everybody is an idiot. With the sole exception of Peanut.
It's not been the best couple of days- both at work and at home. There's a lot going on and a whole bunch of issues to deal with. I will refrain from getting into the specifics. Let me just say this:
Everybody is an idiot. With the sole exception of Peanut.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Can't Win 'Em All.
....or maybe it should be Can't Win 'Em At All.
The house hunt goes on without much success. We have found a couple of places we like, but the foul landlords have bene ghastly, stating all sorts of funny requirements such as - pay 6 months advance, another few months security, part payment in cash ( to avoid tax!), the payment in cash upfront for the full year, token advance (to be forfeited if we change our minds, to be refunded if they change theirs), two months rent to be forfeited as 'fine' if we move out before the year ends, yada yada yada ad nauseum. We have had to resist from flinging ourselves at their feet screaming 'We're not worthy!'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Work goes on and it's launch time for one of the brands I'm working on, so it's been rather hectic of late. I haven't been sleeping well, and feel a little dazed of late. It doesn't help that this Saturday and the last have been working Saturdays and the one-day-weekend just doesn't work, really. You might as well be coming into office on Sunday as well.
Scratch that.
The point is, it's been quite crazy, and it's now Sunday evening again and I'm like 'Where did the day go?'. My eyes are all swollen now and burning and my head feels heavy. Just not getting time to do anything much nowadays apart from work and I think it's beginning to get to me just a little bit. On the bright side, I think the launch is hopefully going to go well. But if things continue this way and Peanut doesn't let me get proper sleep during the nights, I'm going to launch myself out my bedroom window soon. Good thing there are bars on it. And that we're on the ground floor. Damn.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the spirit of complete superstition, let us all say 'Thoo thoo' for the beautiful weather we've been having in Delhi. The mornings have been just magical, and while some people may say that the days are a bit muggy, I say to those people 'Try being here when you're 8 months pregnant last year'. And while that thought doesn't actually make much sense when phrased that way, I think you know what I mean. Anyway, for the weather in Delhi, here it is, one more time, courtesy Dotmom:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peanut continues to be a rock star. She has started swaying and clapping her hands in time with music and I refuse to be embarassed about the fact that her favourite song is 'Soni de Nakhre'. Come on, you know you love it too! Look at Govinda Go!
O Kaindi Pump up the Jam, Baby, O Jaane Jaana!
(Or something)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I assure you I had several more brilliant things to say but have now forgotten all of them and am so tired that I'm ready to pitch forward into my laptop. Let's see what that would look like?
ujiuyifrggggggggfkj;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Am back!
Am gone!
Anyone up for a blogger meet in Delhi sometime soon? If interested, leave a comment, won't ya?
The house hunt goes on without much success. We have found a couple of places we like, but the foul landlords have bene ghastly, stating all sorts of funny requirements such as - pay 6 months advance, another few months security, part payment in cash ( to avoid tax!), the payment in cash upfront for the full year, token advance (to be forfeited if we change our minds, to be refunded if they change theirs), two months rent to be forfeited as 'fine' if we move out before the year ends, yada yada yada ad nauseum. We have had to resist from flinging ourselves at their feet screaming 'We're not worthy!'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Work goes on and it's launch time for one of the brands I'm working on, so it's been rather hectic of late. I haven't been sleeping well, and feel a little dazed of late. It doesn't help that this Saturday and the last have been working Saturdays and the one-day-weekend just doesn't work, really. You might as well be coming into office on Sunday as well.
Scratch that.
The point is, it's been quite crazy, and it's now Sunday evening again and I'm like 'Where did the day go?'. My eyes are all swollen now and burning and my head feels heavy. Just not getting time to do anything much nowadays apart from work and I think it's beginning to get to me just a little bit. On the bright side, I think the launch is hopefully going to go well. But if things continue this way and Peanut doesn't let me get proper sleep during the nights, I'm going to launch myself out my bedroom window soon. Good thing there are bars on it. And that we're on the ground floor. Damn.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the spirit of complete superstition, let us all say 'Thoo thoo' for the beautiful weather we've been having in Delhi. The mornings have been just magical, and while some people may say that the days are a bit muggy, I say to those people 'Try being here when you're 8 months pregnant last year'. And while that thought doesn't actually make much sense when phrased that way, I think you know what I mean. Anyway, for the weather in Delhi, here it is, one more time, courtesy Dotmom:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peanut continues to be a rock star. She has started swaying and clapping her hands in time with music and I refuse to be embarassed about the fact that her favourite song is 'Soni de Nakhre'. Come on, you know you love it too! Look at Govinda Go!
O Kaindi Pump up the Jam, Baby, O Jaane Jaana!
(Or something)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I assure you I had several more brilliant things to say but have now forgotten all of them and am so tired that I'm ready to pitch forward into my laptop. Let's see what that would look like?
ujiuyifrggggggggfkj;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Am back!
Am gone!
Anyone up for a blogger meet in Delhi sometime soon? If interested, leave a comment, won't ya?
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